Thursday, October 16, 2014

Scratch That...I am Completely Off My Rocker Crazy

So I lied - my last post I said I wasn't crazy..I was just a mom.
Apparently I lied, I'm absolutely, totally fucking insane (and it's all my kids' fault).  I'm talking about bent over sobbing into my knees in the garage praying for a cigarette to fall out of the sky kind of insane.

I remember years ago after I did something stupid my mom looking at me and telling me " I love you, but I really don't like you right now."  At that time I had no idea what she meant...how do you love someone but not like them.  That just didn't make sense.  I chalked it up to her being angry and saying crazy mom shit.

Not only did I utter those same words last night I now know EXACTLY what she meant.

See, I've got a 12 year old daughter who is intelligent, sweet, well spoken, beautiful, loving and hell bent on driving me FUCKING BAT SHIT CRAZY!  She's like an evil mastermind of making me loose my shit.  It's as if she's got a diabolical plan to actually find that limit that sends me to the crazy house.

See she doesn't look evil....
And it's all over homework folks.... I had dreams of her going to college and being something successful.  Now I just hope robots haven't taken over McDonald's positions in the next 16 years and she can find a job there.

To put this in perspective let me give you a run down of last night (and essentially every school night for the last 6 years) Kaitlynn gets home at 3:30 sits on couch with her thumb up her own ass not doing homework like we've asked her to do 3 trillion times.  Mom gets home at 5:30 and asks Kait to do homework.  Kait says she doesn't have much homework and asks if she can do it after dinner.  Mom agrees knowing in the back of her mind this is probably a really bad decision but hey she wouldn't just outright lie....WRONG.

At 6:40 Kait begins her homework.  She informs me that she has finished Math, and Reading and English and reports that she only has her vocab words left  to do.  Mom does a little happy dance in her head.  Maybe Kait is getting this after all.  (I should mention here that Kait has already been grounded for 3 weeks due to failing grades and "forgetting" homework)

  • At 7:30 Kait begins her 12 vocabulary words.  
  • At 8:00 I ask for a status.  She's still looking them up...
  • at 9:00 I catch her watching TV.  I only slightly lose my shit and make her move to a different chair at the table so she can't see the TV. (Did I mention she's 12 not 2) 
  • At 10:00 I again ask what in the holyfuckinghell is taking so long with the 12 vocabulary words. 
 Remember, she has an Ipad with a dictionary app to aid in this.  She doesn't even have to flip fucking pages!!!
  • At 11:00 she hands me her vocab book.  I think it's a joke.  There on the back of the book are her 12 words .  Inside contains four, FOUR fucking definitions!!! FOUR DEFINITIONS!!! It took her 3 and a half hours to write and define FOUR words using an Ipad and dictionary app.  
This is the exact moment that I lost my mind, but I manage to recover and not actually scream the obscenities that are banging around in my skull. That's until I walk by her pile of school work and notice a worksheet that isn't done.  Not any worksheet, the same worksheet that she told me she finished 3 hours ago.  When I bring this to her attention she tells me that she wasn't sure if it was homework or if she was supposed to do it...WHAT?

Clearly it's been a few years since I've been in school, but in my day teachers didn't send home worksheets that we weren't supposed to do.  That's just fucking stupid.  I calmly explain this (that's a lie - I was on the verge of hysterics) and am given the response that the teacher just gave it to them at the end of the day without saying a word, so that's why she's not sure if she's supposed to do it. 
(Now I'm screaming that we both know that's a lie and a really bad one at that.) So, I inform her that I am going to email this idiot teacher in the morning and ask why in the holy hell she would just throw a worksheet at my child with no explanation.   This is what I get next...verbatim "Well, maybe she said something, maybe I forgot or I wasn't listening, It might be homework.  I'll just do it to be safe"

Really It might?  You'll just do it in case?
I'd like to give you my response back, but I honestly can't tell you what I said.  I know there was A LOT of  screaming and probably cursing.  I think I asked her why she was trying to make me crazy.  I know I told her "I love you but I really don't like you"

Then I walked out to the garage and sobbed.  I sobbed because I lost my shit big time with my daughter.  I sobbed because I realized that I have to let her fail this time or she'll never learn.  I sobbed because I meant what I said - I love that little girl, but I really didn't like her at that moment and that felt horrible.  I sobbed because I didn't have a goddamned cigarette.  And I sobbed because I know I have another 6 fucking years to go....

I've decided to let go.  She is 12 and can manage her homework and if not she is old enough to suffer the consequences.  I will be there if she chooses to ask me for help but I will not do it for her.

I'm also going to call my mom and apologize profusely for being such a dick head kid.  I know how it feels now.

(Shit....it just dawned on me - I have 2 more kids to go...I don't have 6 years left...more like 15 years left.  Mom's gonna need some good pills and a shrink.)

I better get a kick ass nursing home out of one of these kids...


***as a side note I feel like I should add that calling the teacher an idiot above was totally sarcastic.  I have worked with Kait's teacher multiple times and know she actually wouldn't hand any of her students an assignment with no explanation. That comment was made to get the daughter to fess up to not telling the whole truth***