Thursday, September 20, 2018

The Days Are Long....

The other day a friend of mine posted about enjoying the mess in regards to her kiddos and how one day that mess will be gone.
I immediately though of the saying: "The days are long but the years are short"
Then I posted it.
Then I thought: Well, wasn't that the the most pretentious and cliche shit to say.
Then thought...yeah but it's true.
Then I though - OMG - all of my kids are in school!  Kait's out in 2 years and counting and the babies are hovering around 11 more years.
Then I thought: Shit, 2 years...11 years...That's fast as fuck for one and OMG - the I'm gonna be dead before the babies ever leave my damn house!
Then I thought:  Shit, shit, shit....I also haven't blogged in like forever.  I've got to do something or the kids are gonna have a really shitty baby book (read the intro page if you're confused here)

Then I opened the blog and  blew the dust off to find this little gem that I'd completely forgotten about.  (I was probably interrupted before I could post it)

As soon as I saw the title I knew I had to finish this shit and add an update!
Here it is in all it's glory circa June(ish) 2017:

Last night we registered Big Red for High School.
I didn't even cry!  
It was actually fun. 
She was excited (when she would forget to act too cool to be excited).  We were all kind of excited. 

Holy shit y'all - This isn't the same High School we went to!  
The classes are insane: Forensic Science, Sculpting, Mythology, Hydrology, Engineering.  

More than anything it didn't feel real.  
I felt like I should still be the one in high school NOT my baby.

Jesus, how did 14 years go by so fast?  I don't know when it happened, but my baby is not only a young lady, but damn near an adult.
In four years she'll be on her own.  She'll be her own person and I'll have to take a seat on the sidelines and watch her life unfold.  

Four years used to feel like a lifetime.  Today it feels far to soon and all too real.
Four years ago I had an 10 year old a 2 year old and and a baby.  Four years ago I didn't think we'd get here.  I didn't think I'd make it through the day at times.  

Years ago I was whining to a friend about how impossible my life was with "all these damn children that D forced me to have so he could trap me into marriage..." and her response was "The days are long, but the years are short."

I held in my eye roll and the snide remark, but I wanted to tell her there's NOTHING short about shitty diapers and midnight feedings other than the short little assholes who make and require them.  (Don't call CPS or assume I'm a horrible shit:   I had two babies under 18 months and a middle-schooler ALL while working full time! Oh! Also don't forget - D was working out of town Monday through Thursday so I was doing this by myself even though I technically had a back-up. 
Anyway,  back off  Judgy-McJudgerson - I earned the right to call them assholes)

Now that quote makes me cry like a damn idiot.  

Last night on the way home from cheer she asked me a question and I wanted to give her an answer that she would always remember, but about 40 seconds into my heartfelt response I saw her staring into the vanity mirror making kissy faces and taking selfies...

I realized a few things:
1)  I'll have to print this out as a book because she won't actually "feel my pain" till she's feeling her own
2) She's still a dick
2) She makes a really good kissy face
3) Even if I forced her to listen to my speech she wouldn't get's not even in her realm of thought yet. 

The End

Fast forward about a year:

The days are still really fucking long (mostly because my teenager has a cell phone and repeatedly texts me about shit that can wait till later...and meetings - always meetings)

The years are a vortex of mind fuckery:
They seem short in reference to big Red.  Oh my god do they seem short!  I don't know where 15 years went.  I feel like shes slipping through my fingers in front of my eyes.  But they're also amazing and wonderful and fun.
She's a real person with empathy and shit now (tempered by teenage hormones of course),but shes just fun to be with in general. Shes got amazing friends who are just as insane as she is - I never thought I could really truly love a bunch of overly dramatic teenage girls but I've acquired about 6 bonus daughters since my last post.  They are all possibly clinically insane and belong in an drama troupe touring the world, but they're smart, and funny, beautiful, caring and they lift each other up and are genuinely happy when the others succeed and supportive like no other.  (Some of you bitches could learn a lesson or two from the crazy girls....just sayin') 

The years are still relatively slow for the babies...

Lannie is in Kindergarten and and I feel like we've been practicing sight words for 6,000 years and we still only know 3 of them.  What really slows it down is shat she really doesn't give a flying fuck if she learns them or not.  Clearly, shes a princess and we should all be grateful that she bothered to learn the 3 that she did.
(OMG this child hurts my fucking head...but Jesus shes cute)

Jaxon is still Jaxon - teetering between guns and cars and video games.  He's still the same old dependable Jaxon. He hates vegetables and his favorite food group is FD&C Red No. whatever (maybe even a little yellow dye too).   I'm fully convinced that he's the only one who will not stick our asses in a nursing home.  I'm working on secretly hinting that he's the favorite in an effort to get nice digs when I'm crapping myself while still making him taste carrots and green beans.  It's a fine line...

The general day to day hasn't changed much
I still don't have a clue if I'm coming or going...No more shitty diapers and midnight feedings, but now I have 3 little moochers to verbally remind me when I fuck up and buy the crappy snacks.

I also have 3 wonderful humans who are all capable of saying "Thank You" and "I Love You" - they even say it sometimes too.

Some days are long, some feel like they're never gonna fucking end, some aren't long enough, but the years aren't really noticeable till they're gone.  Then they're so fucking short it's scary.....