Thursday, October 2, 2014

You’re 3 missing assignments away from being a homeless crackhead!

Oh yeah…I said that.  
To a 6th grader.  
To MY sixth grade daughter.

I am mom of the freaking year over here. 
I totally lost my shit last night….  In my defense we were on night TWO of “catch up on the shit you didn't do while you were at your dad’s house because you knew he wouldn't check”.

Just to clarify; I’m not talking about 2 or 3 assignments.  I’m talking about a list of 9-12 different assignments!  Add to this that the child has a school provided I pad with daily calendars of what’s due and when.  SHE DOESN'T  EVEN HAVE TO WRITE HER OWN ASSIGNMENTS DOWN!  And she can’t remember what she needs to do.

This is how it all went down:  I take over the i pad and am going through the calendars and writing a list of what the child has outstanding, what she turned in and what she has no clue about.  At this point I have 2 items on the done list, 3 or so on the incomplete list and I’m somewhere around 5 items on the “I have no fucking clue list”  I admit I was already a little short tempered by the whole situation, but when we hit number five and she couldn't even tell me if she’d seen the paper before I completely lost it and went bat shit crazy.  I asked her if she actually went to school or if she even cared about school and being successful at all.  I then proceeded to tell her that if she kept up this attitude she would find herself working on a career as a homeless crackhead and she was about 3 assignments away from being just that.

She looked at me horrified. I’m still not sure if she actually believed what I was saying or if she could tell I was about to topple right over the edge of that crazy cliff.  

If I wouldn't have been so irate I would have laughed at the absurdity of what I had just said.  I did in fact realize how crazy I was beginning to sound so I called in  reinforcements (Derek), grabbed a beer and took it with me for a nice long bath (where I proceeded to drop my brand new phone in the water).

The only silver lining to this cloud…while I had to stay up till midnight helping Big with her homework I was able to Google and fix my water damaged sim contactor.  (It took a really tiny screwdriver, you tube, a q tip and lots of 4 letter words…but that’s a story for another day)


And here I am at work blogging instead of doing my “assignments”.  I better get back to it…we don’t need 2 homeless crackheads in the house….