Wednesday, October 8, 2014

My kids are assholes...but at least they're smart

I'm specifically referring to the terrorists here, but if I really think about this Big (and even Really Big) have their moments on this list as well.

Anyway, back to why my kids are smart assholes:
See, Last night I made dinner and and it was a good dinner.  A dinner full of things they eat on a regular basis.  We had bbq'd german sausage, mac and cheese with broccoli (ok, so they don't actually eat anything with broccoli in it- that was more for me) and green beans and potatoes seasoned with bacon and garlic.  It's not like I made liver or lima beans or anything even remotly nasty...but that's exactally what the the older terrorist called my dinner.

I've got to mention here that for the entire 1/2 hour of dinner prep and time I was accosted with requests for popsicles, ice cream, ramen, chocolate, fruit snacks...basically anything sweet and void of nutrition.  All of which I denied. This of course resulted in sobs and cries of protest.

So, back to dinner last night...I set the big terrorist's plate on the table and he promptly informed me that his noodles had trees in them and dinner was nasty.  Yeah, he freaking called my dinner nasty.  Now, up until this point the tiniest terrorist was eating perfectly fine.  That is until she until she spotted her jihad leader actively protesting his dinner.  Well, she immediately joined in the protest and refused to eat another bite.

Now, as much as I hate to admit it I'm not opposed to bribing my kids (especially if it will make things easier and make mommy/daddy time come faster).  So I offered a frozen treat of their choosing if they would just try a few bites of sausage and green beans....

Those little bastards didn't even hesitate!!  They promptly finished off the green beans AND the sausage.  The tiny terrorist even asked for seconds!!!

That's when I realized a couple of toddler terrorists had outsmarted me.  They never had a problem with dinner...they just held out for the promise of desert.  It's not like I wouldn't have given them desert anyway...and they knew that.  They have popsicles and ice cream at least 3 nights a week.

They're just assholes.....but at least they're smart.

Here's picture of the terrorists not protesting dinner.  (Only because I let them have a "picnic" in the living room and watch some cartoon with talking fish)