The Days Are Long....

The other day a friend of mine posted about enjoying the mess in regards to her kiddos and how one day that mess will be gone.
I immediately though of the saying: "The days are long but the years are short"
Then I posted it.
Then I thought: Well, wasn't that the the most pretentious and cliche shit to say.
Then thought...yeah but it's true.
Then I though - OMG - all of my kids are in school!  Kait's out in 2 years and counting and the babies are hovering around 11 more years.
Then I thought: Shit, 2 years...11 years...That's fast as fuck for one and OMG - the I'm gonna be dead before the babies ever leave my damn house!
Then I thought:  Shit, shit, shit....I also haven't blogged in like forever.  I've got to do something or the kids are gonna have a really shitty baby book (read the intro page if you're confused here)

Then I opened the blog and  blew the dust off to find this little gem that I'd completely forgotten about.  (I was probably interrupted before I could post it)

As soon as I saw the title I knew I had to finish this shit and add an update!
Here it is in all it's glory circa June(ish) 2017:

THE DAYS ARE LONG, BUT THE YEARS ARE SHORT

Last night we registered Big Red for High School.

I didn't even cry!  

It was actually fun. 

She was excited (when she would forget to act too cool to be excited).  We were all kind of excited. 

Holy shit y'all - This isn't the same High School we went to!  

The classes are insane: Forensic Science, Sculpting, Mythology, Hydrology, Engineering.  

More than anything it didn't feel real.  

I felt like I should still be the one in high school NOT my baby.

Jesus, how did 14 years go by so fast?  I don't know when it happened, but my baby is not only a young lady, but damn near an adult.

In four years she'll be on her own.  She'll be her own person and I'll have to take a seat on the sidelines and watch her life unfold.  

Four years used to feel like a lifetime.  Today it feels far to soon and all too real.

Four years ago I had an 10 year old a 2 year old and and a baby.  Four years ago I didn't think we'd get here.  I didn't think I'd make it through the day at times.  

Years ago I was whining to a friend about how impossible my life was with "all these damn children that D forced me to have so he could trap me into marriage..." and her response was "The days are long, but the years are short."

I held in my eye roll and the snide remark, but I wanted to tell her there's NOTHING short about shitty diapers and midnight feedings other than the short little assholes who make and require them.  (Don't call CPS or assume I'm a horrible shit:   I had two babies under 18 months and a middle-schooler ALL while working full time! Oh! Also don't forget - D was working out of town Monday through Thursday so I was doing this by myself even though I technically had a back-up. 
Anyway,  back off  Judgy-McJudgerson - I earned the right to call them assholes)


Now that quote makes me cry like a damn idiot.  

Last night on the way home from cheer she asked me a question and I wanted to give her an answer that she would always remember, but about 40 seconds into my heartfelt response I saw her staring into the vanity mirror making kissy faces and taking selfies...

I realized a few things:

1)  I'll have to print this out as a book because she won't actually "feel my pain" till she's feeling her own

2) She's still a dick

2) She makes a really good kissy face

3) Even if I forced her to listen to my speech she wouldn't get it...it's not even in her realm of thought yet. 

The End

Fast forward about a year:

09/20/2018

The days are still really fucking long (mostly because my teenager has a cell phone and repeatedly texts me about shit that can wait till later...and meetings - always meetings)



The years are a vortex of mind fuckery:
They seem short in reference to big Red.  Oh my god do they seem short!  I don't know where 15 years went.  I feel like shes slipping through my fingers in front of my eyes.  But they're also amazing and wonderful and fun.

She's a real person with empathy and shit now (tempered by teenage hormones of course),but shes just fun to be with in general. Shes got amazing friends who are just as insane as she is - I never thought I could really truly love a bunch of overly dramatic teenage girls but I've acquired about 6 bonus daughters since my last post.  They are all possibly clinically insane and belong in an drama troupe touring the world, but they're smart, and funny, beautiful, caring and they lift each other up and are genuinely happy when the others succeed and supportive like no other.  (Some of you bitches could learn a lesson or two from the crazy girls....just sayin') 





The years are still relatively slow for the babies...

Lannie is in Kindergarten and and I feel like we've been practicing sight words for 6,000 years and we still only know 3 of them.  What really slows it down is shat she really doesn't give a flying fuck if she learns them or not.  Clearly, shes a princess and we should all be grateful that she bothered to learn the 3 that she did.
(OMG this child hurts my fucking head...but Jesus shes cute)

Jaxon is still Jaxon - teetering between guns and cars and video games.  He's still the same old dependable Jaxon. He hates vegetables and his favorite food group is FD&C Red No. whatever (maybe even a little yellow dye too).   I'm fully convinced that he's the only one who will not stick our asses in a nursing home.  I'm working on secretly hinting that he's the favorite in an effort to get nice digs when I'm crapping myself while still making him taste carrots and green beans.  It's a fine line...

The general day to day hasn't changed much
I still don't have a clue if I'm coming or going...No more shitty diapers and midnight feedings, but now I have 3 little moochers to verbally remind me when I fuck up and buy the crappy snacks.







I also have 3 wonderful humans who are all capable of saying "Thank You" and "I Love You" - they even say it sometimes too.

Some days are long, some feel like they're never gonna fucking end, some aren't long enough, but the years aren't really noticeable till they're gone.  Then they're so fucking short it's scary.....

    

What Ever Happened To Consequences

I'm posting this in hopes that someone might have the magic answer for me.

Maybe some of you have gone through this or maybe you're a teacher and have dealt with the other side of this shit show.  Maybe you have some advice for me.  Maybe I'm doing the right thing and just need to keep on course.  Maybe I'm way off base....either way let me know.  We all know I can take criticism so don't be afraid to offend me or hurt my feelings.

A few things first.  The email I'll post below is to the dean of students about Big Red and my (almost) decision to not enroll her in summer school.  I sent it to the dean of students in response to a letter they sent home about Red being eligible for summer school and the fact that if she gets C's or higher in this final quarter she might be exempt from summer school all together and get to go to 7th grade.

The letter came home and I signed it but she forgot to turn it in....THIS is my CONSTANT issue with her.  The child FORGETS EVERYTHING!!!  She is smart and could easily pass 6th grade but she just doesn't turn in her homework.  I sit at home with her EVERY school night and make sure she does all of her work.  She only actually turns in about 1/4 of it.  The rest gets lost in space somewhere I guess.  Same for school work - she just doesn't bring it home to finish it.

This has been a constant issue since Kindergarten.  Teachers have gone above and beyond their job duties to help her succeed.  I have gone above and beyond what she should require (I'm the one that opens the book bag and checks for the homework and tells her what she needs to do).

Nothing helps and I think it's in part due to the fact that she's never had any real consequences outside of being grounded at home.  She's never failed.  She magically ends up with C's and D's and goes on to the next grade.  They even assigned her a special teacher that helps her make up the shit she blew off in class the day before.  So essentially she gets to not do her work, have 2 extra days and extra help from her personal teacher. Where is the consequence in that?  Is there any reason for her to change her behavior?

Again, let me stress the fact that Big Red IS NOT, slow or struggling with the actual concepts she's being taught.  She repeatedly gets A's and B's on the work and tests that she actually does.

Anyway, the dean of students requested that she have me at least email him to let him know I got the original letter or she would be sent to lunch detention.

Well, I wasn't gonna send the letter - finally a consequence right?  Before I did that I called my mom and asked her opinion...bad plan.  She told me she'd send the letter and I decided that I'd better send the letter (cause my mama said so and I'm still scared of her). I also took the time to let him know where i stood on the whole issue of summer school.

What I'm asking for now is your opinion...and thoughts, suggestions....  Am I going overboard for not enrolling her in summer school.  (In addition to just enrolling her it'll cost me $300 and I have to find a way to get her there and back every day at 8AM and Noon)

I can't guarantee I'll take any of your advice but I'd love to hear it....

***Update***
Just got a call from the dean.  The short  version of the conversation is that Red will most certainly be a candidate for summer school in English (possibly one or 2 other subjects).  However, in their eyes she isn't a candidate for retention (being held back) because she does grasp the concept of the material and "data" shows that retention doesn't change behaviors.  But, if she fails summer school AND continues the pattern in 7th grade we can then talk about re-assigning her back to 6th grade.(That sounds like a whole hell of a lot of wasted time and money for a maybe...but I'm no child expert)

Honestly I feel like he was trying to pacify me with the last part and I don't think it will have any effect on her behavior.  She has already accepted the fact that she will loose her summer and doesn't seem to be bothered by it. (Already using it as an excuse to not do work this year) 

When I told him this he did suggest that for a consequence  we could make her work off the cost of summer school ($125-$300).  Not a bad idea if I concede to summer school...which I haven't yet.  (I can always just not pay and not bring her)

So add any ideas for summer jobs to my request for suggestions.  Things that are not fun!
Know of any child labor sweatshops hiring?

***4/22/15***
A 3rd update.  Two things happened recently
1) I think I found a "summer job" of babysitting (for free) in the even Big Red goes to summer school
2) Big Red has pulled her grades up to A's, B's and C's - she's not completely out of the woods, but there is a possibility.  I did tell her I was considering summer school but she'd have a job ALL summer and I hadn't decided yet. (I also told her she gets 1 shot at summer school for the next 12 years so she better really need it when she decides to use it...)

While I'm happy she's doing good it drives me crazy that she clearly has the potential for good grades any time she wants...she just dosen't choose to.


As a side note to my mom:
Holy shit..I did this to you in High school...OMG I'm sorry!  Here's my public apology.

I am SO SORRY for being a difficult asshole teenager...now please remove the curse! 

That shit paid off....now when is summer vacation?

Its' been 2 short months since I went on my major rant about Big Red and how she was going to fail 6th grade.  Although, if you ask her she'd probably tell you it's been 2 VERY long months.

We've changed things up a bit.  She now stays with me Monday through Friday night and with her father every weekend.  She also spends every morning and afternoon with her dad as well.  (Come summer vacation that shit flips...I get weekends and he gets full weeks....I'll be on a 3 month VACATION!) 

Anyway, I've failed miserably at sitting back and letting her fail and learn her lesson - and that shit paid off! 

I am the homework Nazi.  Every night, all night until it is done.  It's been frustrating, and mind numbing, and funny and even enjoyable at times.  We've both cried and screamed and laughed and actually learned how to work together (sort of).    Some nights she drives me bat shit crazy and some nights I think we would both like to sell the terrorists, but we suffer through it together. (Well mostly, some nights we're close to scratching each others eyes out and Derek steps in to help with homework instead of me...I think he's mainly saving his own sanity, but she likes him better anyway...)

Night before last I was out of energy and she had 2 assignments left to do.  She begged me to let her do them in her room and didn't have the energy to hover any more.

Holy effing mother of balls!! SHE COMPLETED THE ASSIGNMENT!!! AND TURNED IT IN!!!
(I of course checked it first thing in the am, but the fact remains - she did it)

Every night I still schedule all of her assignments and check them off one by one, every night I still check her daily calendars.  Most nights I find one that she has "forgotten", but we get it done.
She rarely whines or complains anymore.  We finally have a routine.  Thank you baby Jesus!!!

On top of it all...that kid who managed to fail nearly every class last quarter has ALL A's and B's.  I nearly had a stroke when I looked at her grades.  I didn't know whether to kiss her or offer her a freaking beer in celebration.  (God knows I had one)

I will be framing this report card...it feels better than making my own A's in school.

Way to go Big Red!!! I am so freaking Proud of you!!!

(you want a puppy or a goat or something? We'll sneak it into your dads house....)

6th Grade ~ Round 2

I've already written a few posts about Big Red and her stellar grades and school work ethic so this one might not come as a surprise...

I've decided to back off and let Big Red fail 6th grade.  (She'll have repercussions of course.)
It's not that I don't care, I'm just not dragging her through the school year anymore.

I've written emails to teachers.  I've tracked down countless missed assignments and arranged for her to have extra time to turn them in.  Once I get her caught up she shits it all up again.  Maybe she's not developmentally ready for 6th grade.  Maybe she doesn't care.  Maybe it's the fact that there's never been a major consequence.  I honestly don't know what it is but I do know that everyone in Big's life has gone over and above for her and she doesn't try to help herself one bit.  She doesn't seem to be bothered by F's or being grounded for 3 months.  So I'm going to let her fail.

What amazed me about all of this has been the teachers responses.
When I brought this up to Big's teachers they offered to give her extra credit and extra time.  One teacher actually just excused all of the missing grades!!! 

I was disappointed, but I wasn't shocked.  I've spent 6 years pleading with teachers to hold my child accountable and do what it takes to make her learn and grow as a person.  I don't care if she has to miss recess or has to do extra homework or is embarrassed; so long as she's learning and not just being pushed along to the next babysitter.

The last teacher I met with told me that Big has the ability to do well but has no motivation and they're not sure how to motivate her.  My response was "wanna motivate her? - embarrass her.  Make it known when she doesn't have homework, call attention to her when she's goofing off."

The teacher looked at me as if she was waiting for the punch line.  I have to say it's not the teachers fault here.  Us as parents have thoroughly fucked the education system and our kids in the process.  We've pushed teachers into a corner and don't allow them do do their job.  We're more worried about them upsetting our children than we are about them teaching our children.

I've seen it happen in my in my own circle of friends.  Parent's bashing their kid's teachers in front of the kids.  Parents "not standing" for the way their kid is treated in school.  
Little Timmy comes in last place in  field day and doesn't get a ribbon and mom's on the phone raising hell because Timmy doesn't feel appreciated.  Susie gets yelled at in class for not listening and mom is on the phone demanding action against the teacher.

You know what, maybe your kid is an asshole and needs to learn some respect. I know 9 times out of 10 when my kid is in trouble it's because they're being assholes and not because they have teachers hell bent on torturing my them.

I know there are some shitty teachers out there, but our kids need to learn to deal with those too.  Life isn't fair, not all bosses are fair either.  Life is sometimes shitty and if our kids don't learn to cope with that early on we've essentially fucked them too...

Anyway, back to my story.  I've decided to let it go and see where it gets us.  Maybe she'll pull her head out of her ass, but I'm not placing any bets on that happening.  What I am expecting is a major fight at the end of the year though.  I'll place money on it that I actually have a fight on my hands when I try to ensure she's back in 6th grade again.

Am I being mean and heartless here?  Did I miss the parenting memo?  I don't know any other way to get the message across.  I hope I'm doing the right thing, but I really feel like a shitty mom.

(I should note that she gets scored in the 90-95 percentile on all of her test scores.  She's not delayed in that sense.  She actually gets A's and B's on classwork and tests, she just refuses to bring her homework home or actually do it when she does bring it home)

On a positive note...she's a kick ass babysitter.  Maybe she can work in a daycare when she's older.

Scratch That...I am Completely Off My Rocker Crazy

So I lied - my last post I said I wasn't crazy..I was just a mom.
Apparently I lied, I'm absolutely, totally fucking insane (and it's all my kids' fault).  I'm talking about bent over sobbing into my knees in the garage praying for a cigarette to fall out of the sky kind of insane.

I remember years ago after I did something stupid my mom looking at me and telling me " I love you, but I really don't like you right now."  At that time I had no idea what she meant...how do you love someone but not like them.  That just didn't make sense.  I chalked it up to her being angry and saying crazy mom shit.

Not only did I utter those same words last night I now know EXACTLY what she meant.

See, I've got a 12 year old daughter who is intelligent, sweet, well spoken, beautiful, loving and hell bent on driving me FUCKING BAT SHIT CRAZY!  She's like an evil mastermind of making me loose my shit.  It's as if she's got a diabolical plan to actually find that limit that sends me to the crazy house.

See she doesn't look evil....

And it's all over homework folks.... I had dreams of her going to college and being something successful.  Now I just hope robots haven't taken over McDonald's positions in the next 16 years and she can find a job there.

To put this in perspective let me give you a run down of last night (and essentially every school night for the last 6 years) Kaitlynn gets home at 3:30 sits on couch with her thumb up her own ass not doing homework like we've asked her to do 3 trillion times.  Mom gets home at 5:30 and asks Kait to do homework.  Kait says she doesn't have much homework and asks if she can do it after dinner.  Mom agrees knowing in the back of her mind this is probably a really bad decision but hey she wouldn't just outright lie....WRONG.

At 6:40 Kait begins her homework.  She informs me that she has finished Math, and Reading and English and reports that she only has her vocab words left  to do.  Mom does a little happy dance in her head.  Maybe Kait is getting this after all.  (I should mention here that Kait has already been grounded for 3 weeks due to failing grades and "forgetting" homework)

• At 7:30 Kait begins her 12 vocabulary words.  
• At 8:00 I ask for a status.  She's still looking them up...
• at 9:00 I catch her watching TV.  I only slightly lose my shit and make her move to a different chair at the table so she can't see the TV. (Did I mention she's 12 not 2) 
• At 10:00 I again ask what in the holyfuckinghell is taking so long with the 12 vocabulary words. 

 Remember, she has an Ipad with a dictionary app to aid in this.  She doesn't even have to flip fucking pages!!!

• At 11:00 she hands me her vocab book.  I think it's a joke.  There on the back of the book are her 12 words .  Inside contains four, FOUR fucking definitions!!! FOUR DEFINITIONS!!! It took her 3 and a half hours to write and define FOUR words using an Ipad and dictionary app.  

This is the exact moment that I lost my mind, but I manage to recover and not actually scream the obscenities that are banging around in my skull. That's until I walk by her pile of school work and notice a worksheet that isn't done.  Not any worksheet, the same worksheet that she told me she finished 3 hours ago.  When I bring this to her attention she tells me that she wasn't sure if it was homework or if she was supposed to do it...WHAT?

Clearly it's been a few years since I've been in school, but in my day teachers didn't send home worksheets that we weren't supposed to do.  That's just fucking stupid.  I calmly explain this (that's a lie - I was on the verge of hysterics) and am given the response that the teacher just gave it to them at the end of the day without saying a word, so that's why she's not sure if she's supposed to do it. 
(Now I'm screaming that we both know that's a lie and a really bad one at that.) So, I inform her that I am going to email this idiot teacher in the morning and ask why in the holy hell she would just throw a worksheet at my child with no explanation.   This is what I get next...verbatim "Well, maybe she said something, maybe I forgot or I wasn't listening, It might be homework.  I'll just do it to be safe"

Really It might?  You'll just do it in case?
I'd like to give you my response back, but I honestly can't tell you what I said.  I know there was A LOT of  screaming and probably cursing.  I think I asked her why she was trying to make me crazy.  I know I told her "I love you but I really don't like you"

Then I walked out to the garage and sobbed.  I sobbed because I lost my shit big time with my daughter.  I sobbed because I realized that I have to let her fail this time or she'll never learn.  I sobbed because I meant what I said - I love that little girl, but I really didn't like her at that moment and that felt horrible.  I sobbed because I didn't have a goddamned cigarette.  And I sobbed because I know I have another 6 fucking years to go....

I've decided to let go.  She is 12 and can manage her homework and if not she is old enough to suffer the consequences.  I will be there if she chooses to ask me for help but I will not do it for her.

I'm also going to call my mom and apologize profusely for being such a dick head kid.  I know how it feels now.

(Shit....it just dawned on me - I have 2 more kids to go...I don't have 6 years left...more like 15 years left.  Mom's gonna need some good pills and a shrink.)

I better get a kick ass nursing home out of one of these kids...


***as a side note I feel like I should add that calling the teacher an idiot above was totally sarcastic.  I have worked with Kait's teacher multiple times and know she actually wouldn't hand any of her students an assignment with no explanation. That comment was made to get the daughter to fess up to not telling the whole truth***