And We'll Call Him Benjamin...Benjamin Button

Sorry for the lack of posts lately.  I don't know if it's the fact that it's summer and we're stupid busy or if we've just quit being shocked by our kids antics.

Who am I kidding...the kids never fail to shock us -  they're fucking insane.  But the fact that it's summer brings me to the latest of the boys antics.

HAIRCUT TIME!
I should explain...my son normally gets haircuts at the salon.  He needs them about every 20 minutes or so.  Seriously, the kid has more hair than I do.

Now that it's summer haircuts switch to homemade.  It's finally warm enough to buzz the boys head, which translates to saving $30 every 2 weeks so I'm all in.

This whole process is also made easier because Daddy shaves his head too and we all know whatever Daddy does is cool.   The difference here is that Daddy shaves his head because the hairs on top aren't keeping up with the hairs on the side.

Until a few weeks ago we just assumed that this minor detail had gone unnoticed by the boy...

Back to the haircut:
So, D takes the boy terrorist upstairs to shave his head.  No more than 45 seconds later my son comes barreling down the stairs with one bald strip shaved into the middle of his noggin crying.  It appears as though he's changed his mind.  NOT a good stopping point.

We get him back upstairs and talk him back into shaving the rest of his head (as long as mommy does it).  I proceed to shave off the remaining hair on the top of his head.  As soon as I get to the side section right above his ear he starts crying again.

Confused,  I ask him what's wrong this now.  Following is the remainder of our conversation:
Me: What's wrong bud?
Jax: I want my hair like daddy's (still sobbing and ducking away from the clippers)
Me: That's what we're doing,  I'm shaving your head like daddy's
Jax: NO YOUR NOT!!!  You're shaving my all head! (translates to you're shaving my whole head)  I  want mine JUST like daddy's!!!

At this point I look at Derek - who hasn't shaved his head in a few weeks.  The realization hits me and I started laughing so hard I had to sit down.  D still looks a little lost at the whole scene.
Through my laughter and tears I manage to explain to D that what Jaxon wants is the same haircut (or lack of) that he has at that exact moment.

My 3-year old child has just asked me to shave a cul-de-sac onto his head.  And he's fucking serious!!!
I stop and put him in front of the mirror...and show him what he looks like:

Me:  This is what you want?  (Because even though he stated he wanted "Daddy's Hair" I assume when he sees it he'll change his mind.  Hell, even Daddy doesn't want Daddy's haircut.)
Jax: Yep, like Daddy's.  Long on the sides.

We didn't actually let him keep that fiasco on his head...instead daddy shaved his "all head" to match Jaxon.

Had I known that my son wanted to look like Benjamin buttons I would have been more careful about shaving the top into a perfect cul-de-sac so he could have at least sported the do for a few days.

The bonus to all of this....We found the kids Halloween costume!!!

What Ever Happened To Consequences

I'm posting this in hopes that someone might have the magic answer for me.

Maybe some of you have gone through this or maybe you're a teacher and have dealt with the other side of this shit show.  Maybe you have some advice for me.  Maybe I'm doing the right thing and just need to keep on course.  Maybe I'm way off base....either way let me know.  We all know I can take criticism so don't be afraid to offend me or hurt my feelings.

A few things first.  The email I'll post below is to the dean of students about Big Red and my (almost) decision to not enroll her in summer school.  I sent it to the dean of students in response to a letter they sent home about Red being eligible for summer school and the fact that if she gets C's or higher in this final quarter she might be exempt from summer school all together and get to go to 7th grade.

The letter came home and I signed it but she forgot to turn it in....THIS is my CONSTANT issue with her.  The child FORGETS EVERYTHING!!!  She is smart and could easily pass 6th grade but she just doesn't turn in her homework.  I sit at home with her EVERY school night and make sure she does all of her work.  She only actually turns in about 1/4 of it.  The rest gets lost in space somewhere I guess.  Same for school work - she just doesn't bring it home to finish it.

This has been a constant issue since Kindergarten.  Teachers have gone above and beyond their job duties to help her succeed.  I have gone above and beyond what she should require (I'm the one that opens the book bag and checks for the homework and tells her what she needs to do).

Nothing helps and I think it's in part due to the fact that she's never had any real consequences outside of being grounded at home.  She's never failed.  She magically ends up with C's and D's and goes on to the next grade.  They even assigned her a special teacher that helps her make up the shit she blew off in class the day before.  So essentially she gets to not do her work, have 2 extra days and extra help from her personal teacher. Where is the consequence in that?  Is there any reason for her to change her behavior?

Again, let me stress the fact that Big Red IS NOT, slow or struggling with the actual concepts she's being taught.  She repeatedly gets A's and B's on the work and tests that she actually does.

Anyway, the dean of students requested that she have me at least email him to let him know I got the original letter or she would be sent to lunch detention.

Well, I wasn't gonna send the letter - finally a consequence right?  Before I did that I called my mom and asked her opinion...bad plan.  She told me she'd send the letter and I decided that I'd better send the letter (cause my mama said so and I'm still scared of her). I also took the time to let him know where i stood on the whole issue of summer school.

What I'm asking for now is your opinion...and thoughts, suggestions....  Am I going overboard for not enrolling her in summer school.  (In addition to just enrolling her it'll cost me $300 and I have to find a way to get her there and back every day at 8AM and Noon)

I can't guarantee I'll take any of your advice but I'd love to hear it....

***Update***
Just got a call from the dean.  The short  version of the conversation is that Red will most certainly be a candidate for summer school in English (possibly one or 2 other subjects).  However, in their eyes she isn't a candidate for retention (being held back) because she does grasp the concept of the material and "data" shows that retention doesn't change behaviors.  But, if she fails summer school AND continues the pattern in 7th grade we can then talk about re-assigning her back to 6th grade.(That sounds like a whole hell of a lot of wasted time and money for a maybe...but I'm no child expert)

Honestly I feel like he was trying to pacify me with the last part and I don't think it will have any effect on her behavior.  She has already accepted the fact that she will loose her summer and doesn't seem to be bothered by it. (Already using it as an excuse to not do work this year) 

When I told him this he did suggest that for a consequence  we could make her work off the cost of summer school ($125-$300).  Not a bad idea if I concede to summer school...which I haven't yet.  (I can always just not pay and not bring her)

So add any ideas for summer jobs to my request for suggestions.  Things that are not fun!
Know of any child labor sweatshops hiring?

***4/22/15***
A 3rd update.  Two things happened recently
1) I think I found a "summer job" of babysitting (for free) in the even Big Red goes to summer school
2) Big Red has pulled her grades up to A's, B's and C's - she's not completely out of the woods, but there is a possibility.  I did tell her I was considering summer school but she'd have a job ALL summer and I hadn't decided yet. (I also told her she gets 1 shot at summer school for the next 12 years so she better really need it when she decides to use it...)

While I'm happy she's doing good it drives me crazy that she clearly has the potential for good grades any time she wants...she just dosen't choose to.


As a side note to my mom:
Holy shit..I did this to you in High school...OMG I'm sorry!  Here's my public apology.

I am SO SORRY for being a difficult asshole teenager...now please remove the curse!