Thursday, June 11, 2015

My Husband is A Dick

Since I usually dish on everyone else I might as well share one on me....

I went to get my eyebrows threaded a few weeks back.  (It's like waxing or tweezing just with thread)
Anyway, she also offers henna eyebrow dyeing.  I am absolutely incapable of using eyebrow pencils successfully so I thought this would be a good plan.  (No I don't know why, I just did.)

I should back up here....
I was perusing Weld County Buy, Sell and Trade when I saw an add for eyebrow threading and dyeing FOR ONLY $20!!!!  (It's like Craigslist for my area on FB) That's when I realized that I NEEDED my eyebrows threaded and dyed.

So I made an appointment.
On the day of...well actually in the parking lot of the apartment where the eyebrow magic was going to take place I decided that maybe this was a little sketchy.  (The threading was to happen in the apartment not the parking lot...I just realized the sketch factor in the parking lot)

Anyway, I realized no one knew where I was or what I was doing so I sent a quick message to the BFF and I was off.

(See the messages below for your enjoyment:)

So I made it out of my appointment alive.
The threading looked awesome!!!  The henna dye....well it was DARK!!!  She asked me to choose dark or light brown.  I went with dark.  Holy-fucking-goat-balls!! It was BLACK!!! 

Now on some people I'm sure it would have been fine.  But I literally NEVER add any color to my eyebrows, not to mention I rarely ever wear make-up.  My eyebrows stole the show that was my face.

I went to the BFF's place and scrubbed for a while with baking soda, lemon juice and dawn dish soap (cause that's what the internet and her boyfriends hand soap preferences said)
She did a pretty good job of not pointing and laughing -only cause she just had surgery and couldn't.

I was able to tone it down a bit and I guess got used to the stinging caterpillars on my face, because I thought they looked fine.  Maybe a little more "polished" but nothing over the top.
If you've ever lived in Louisiana you've seen these...well they were living on my face.

Clearly I was wrong.  As soon as the husband walked in the door his mouth fell open.  He looked at me like I had grown a testicle on my forehead and couldn't stop laughing.  He asked me what I did to my eyebrows.  (Now this is a man who doesn't notice when I cut my hair, dye my hair or wax my eyebrows - EVEN when the skin is screaming red!)

For reference this is what they looked like.... (ok, honestly, looking back maybe they were a tiny bit over done....)

 I even put on make-up to make them "blend"

This giggling from the hubby continued for about 15 minutes.  
We'd be talking and he'd just start laughing at my face.... 
Awesome right?  

It gets better... 
I move next to him on the couch so he doesn't have to look at me and laugh, and he starts laughing hysterically.  He leans over and hands me his phone.

This is what was on the screen:

 My husband is a dick.....

The eyebrows have faded and look good now.  I think I'll try light brown next....

Domestic Momster
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