Friday, February 27, 2015

Terrorists Pooping

Pooping is a major thing in our house right now.
Maybe it's because I have 2 toddlers or maybe my kids are just gross (I'm going with gross - I know them)

As usual Boy Terrorist Takes the cake:
You already know that he grunts like a constipated gorilla and and likes people to sit and watch/talk to him while he does his business (if not refer to Turds, Heists & Juice).  Hes added a few new things to his repertoire.
Boy Terrorist

Lately, he can't just go crap like any other person - he has to first find one of us (his parents) in order to let us know he needs to poop (while bouncing around trying to hold in the turd that he waited too long to announce in the first place).  After he has announced his predicament he then requires an OK from one of us to go to the bathroom.  This can be a dicey situation if you're not actually paying attention to him.
 I'm veering off subject here but for the life of me I have no clue why my child needs permission to shit.  He doesn't need permission to do things that he shouldn't (like sneaking out of the back door when we're not looking, and climbing on top of the fridge to eat all of the Halloween candy)  I guess his butt-hole has a conscience...

Boy terrorist's  poop approval request isn't the most disturbing of his poop practices though.
See, we still wipe his butt for him (the skid marks let us know that he wasn't ready to tackle that task alone yet) and without fail after EVERY SINGLE butt wipe he asks us "What did you pull out of my butt?"

Um, what?!?!? What did I pull out of WHERE?!?!?
No one's EVER pulled anything out of his butt.  I have no idea why he asks that - I think it's just to fuck with us....

Not to be out done, Tiny Terrorist has her own poop issues, although hers are less freaking creepy than her weirdo brother's.

Like most kids (I think) she has to have privacy to poop her pants (diaper).  What's funny is that if you call her name or go looking for her while she's trying to poop she freaks out and starts screaming at you to leave her alone.  Which of course has the exact opposite effect as evidenced by the video below.  We can't help but mess with her...we're dicks.

Last but certainly not least and almost as creepy, Tiny Terrorist also has her own poop question:

Mid-poop clean up she leans to the side so she can get a good look at your face and asks "You wike it?"...Every. Single. Time.  I don't know if she's actually curious to know if I like wiping her ass of if she's mocking me.

I think she's mocking me...