Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Canceled Flights, Layovers and HUGE Penises

After canceled flights, crazy layovers, complete meltdowns and some loud penis talk we are FINALLY HOME!!!

Terrorists on a Plane
We spent a week back home with my mom in Pierre Part. It wet way too fast and I wish we could have stayed longer.
Playing in the Rain in December
Rural Life Museum

 BUT.....These memories will have to last us at least 3 more years because I'm not traveling with this family again until everyone can carry their own shit and no one craps their pants.

If the flight back home was a test in patience I think I failed miserably (I didn't actually beat anyone or sell a child so I didn't fail completely)

The flight in to Louisiana went fairly well. Straight through flight no melt downs no kids screaming on a plane.  Of course, we own a Jaxon so it wasn't completely without incident and true to form he was completely inappropriate.

Let me set the scene:
I took a whole row and sat with the babies.  (I sat in the aisle seat in order to corral them in to our row)
Derek and Kait were in the aisle across from us.  In front of us were 3 women:  One teenage girl, one lady who looked to be in her mid 50's and on women who had to be in her late 70's.
I buckled Lannie in and then Jaxon.  I proceeded to get snacks and toys sorted for the kids and get their backpacks stashed under the seats.

This is Jaxon
I'm sitting there with my head between my legs trying to shove backpacks under the seats in front of us when I hear "Look Mom!!!" from Jaxon. That usually means he found a piece of lint or something else just as exciting so I didn't initially look up. "What is it bud?"  I should note that at this point we're still at the gate - the plane engines haven't started, people are still filing in and it's fairly quiet.  To my horror (and amusement if I'm being honest) my son replies with "Look at my huge giant PENIS!!!!" I shoot up and stifle a snort/giggle to find my son with the extra portion of the lap belt extended out in front of him showing me his "HUGE GIANT PENIS"....and now that I've snorted he's not stopping.  "Look how giant"  "Huge Penis" "Penis Belt" this shit just kept spewing from his mouth!! The old ladies in front of me looked back in horror (the teenager was giggling) and I think the oldest lady might have had a stroke.  I literally dissolved into a fit of giggles because I'm such a stellar mother...and it was freaking funny.

Dick Jokes Wear You out....

Shortly after Jaxon's spectacle they both crashed out and slept the whole flight in.
In retrospect a few dick jokes isn't that bad of a trade off for 3 hours of peace and quiet.




The flight home was another story all together.  Not a funny one.
Our flight was canceled, we had to stay in a hotel, get a new flight out with a 6 hour layover in Houston.  No one slept, everyone had melt downs and I threatened to lock my son in a restroom stall and leave him there if he didn't quit whining....awesome. (We did get 1st class seats on one leg of the trip...silver lining right?)
Big Red is loving 1st Class





I'll take dick jokes any day......