Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Thanks For Not Sucking as Friends

I've been seeing a ton of blogs out with titles like:
"The 7 Friends Every Woman Needs" and "How to Have a Successful Friendship When You Have 900 Kids and Not enough time to Pee Alone"

Most of the time I read theses and say to myself... "what the actual fuck??.  Who needs an underwear shopping friend" or "poor sad women out there!  Do they really need a checklist to find a friend?" and "What if you already have friends 1-6, do you have to turn down all the other #3's ...and only accept a #7?"

Then I wonder what types all of my nutso friends would be...

If you're wondering my friends would go something like this: 
  1. Imaginary friend who I randomly meet for dinner on Tuesday nights when she's not working but only see once every 2 months, never calls back but gets my twisted sense of humor and is is the most real person I know
  2. Ex-wife of the current husband who is a-fucking-mazing, likes to drink and bullshit and has no babies of her own so she can always come to me *bonus we really freak people out when we show up together* 
  3. They pissy friend who's always grumpy, unimpressed and actually only likes me and 3 other people max,  but is the BEST person to just relax with and not even have to talk (she just knows...); or bitch about other people with... she's good at that too and she doesn't judge me for how many people I profess to hate.   
  4.  My dear sweet turned her life around friend who reminds me every day that I can be anything and anyone I want, the girl that shows me everyday day what  living with grace looks like.  One of the few people that have seen me seen me crumble and cry and know "my whole story....even the ugly" and still loves me. 
  5. My "Rough Around The Edges - Just like me" friend who loves me just the way I am.  She has shown me what strength looks like, grabbed my boobs more times than I can count and is the definition of loyalty.  She's the only other female I get to "talk shop" with and I think we might have been separated at birth. 
  6. My little Sagittarius sisters - children and miles separate us, but I've never met two more unique women who are such a reflection of myself.  There are so many ways and stories I could to describe each of you but none of them are really appropriate for anyone else to read....

Back to the point.
I always read these "women/friends/how-to" blogs and I don't even come close to relating.  That's until last week.  I read a blog post called "The No-Bullshit, No-Drama Friendship Manifesto".  And it's like I sat down and described my female friends and our friendships.

It was then that I realized how lucky I am in that department.
Someone had to write a fucking contract to describe the good shit I already have.

I have such a kick ass group of bitches (because Ladies just doesn't describe any of you...sorry) you guys totally make up for my asshole kids...even better some of you have bigger asshole kids. 


To the women in my life:
"Whether I have shown up at your house covered in baby goo, on the verge of tears and needing advice or shown up looking to get drunk and blow off steam and talk major shit about what ever bomb exploded in my life you've welcomed me into your homes and dropped whatever you were doing to be my friend at that moment. Thank you for giving me your advice, your ear, a shoulder to lean on, a safe place to share my fears or a six-pack and smoke.  

I promise to always do the same for you. Wether you need a beer, an ear or bail money.  Call me any time of day or night I promise I'll be there.

To the rest of you...if you have to walk on eggshells around any of your friends or pretend to be something your not RUN.  Run really fucking fast to the neares person who's seen you ugly-cry or puke on yourself and go find more like them.