Tuesday, November 4, 2014

16 Ways to Ruin your Toddlers Morning

My husband decided to read my blog (finally) hence the update:  
Soooooo....so now I have to give credit where it rightfully belongs.  
He handles the Boy terrorist in the morning and does most of the AM routine with him.  I get up with the Tiny terrorist and do most of the shit that she requires.  So in actuality list items #1-7 happened to him (I just eavesdropped on those) and I only directly received #'s 7-16.
I write this shit on my lunch break and I didn't have time for all the intricacies, but he noticed so to my darling husband...here you go, here's your credit.  (And I love you)
This was NOT taken at 6AM

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before but the terrorists are in their first "real" daycare ever.  Up until this point they've either gone to a family friend for daycare or had an in home nanny.

Holy shit it's a lot more work this way!  You've Derek's got to get them him up, dress them him and get food in them all before 6AM.

(That's like trying to teach drunk college students advanced chemistry.  Or at least what I would imagine it's equivalent to.) 

 I know, I know.. you really want to hear my Derek's sob story about how hard it is to not have a nanny and have to dress my kids.  (I'll say it for you....Oh fuck off Ashley!)

You're in luck.....that's not the point of this one.
In fact I really like the new daycare.  I enjoy my kids NOT trashing my house all day or eating all of the food.   

Back to the point.  We have a routine, but some days the natives go fucking insane and I'm reminded why some species eat their young.  This morning was one of those days for the boy terrorist.  I we managed to find no less than 16 ways to ruin his morning all before 6 AM (prob more but these are the ones I remember).

And here they are:

  1. Make BT take off his onesie jammies
  2. Make BT go potty before putting on his pants
  3. Make him hold his penis while he pees
  4. Call it a pee pee not a penis
  5. Make him brush his teeth with toothpaste
  6. Not let BT wear his jammies to daycare (Cameron does....)
  7. Give BT Milk to drink instead of orange juice
  8. Dump out OJ and replace with milk 
  9. Give him white milk not chocolate milk
  10. Put too much chocolate in the chocolate milk
  11. Do not allow BT to bring pillow with him (Cameron does....)
  12. Utter the phrase "I don't know Cameron and really I don't care what he does.You are not taking your pillow to school"
  13. Put Shrek on instead of Scooby Do in the car (1st world problems right)
  14. Have the radio set to a decibel level not pleasing to the little terrorists ears
  15. Have the screen set to a 89° angle not a perfect 90° angle for optimal viewing
  16. ....And I didn't 2nd squeeze him like I really meant it. 
That's really what he told me when I hugged him for the 2nd time "You didn't squeeze me like you meant it"  Little did he know that had I squeezed him like I meant it his poor little terrorist head would have popped right off.  (I did drop him off so this one is all mine)
See the type of shit I have to deal with from this one.... <3

(Not really, that was the highlight of my day...he made me laugh and reminded me that he needs and loves me....awe)