His Penis Was Angry.....

I can add "Angry Pee'er" to the list of shit I never expected to deal with...

I picked up the boy terrorist at daycare yesterday only to find out that he's an angry pee'er (oh he can also use the word "hell" in context also)

Apparently, Boy Terrorist had TWO accidents at school yesterday...
After each accident they changed him into his "back-up clothes".
 I only sent 2 outfits (and I thought that was overkill).  After accident #2 their only option was to put BT into a pull up and some borrowed daycare pants.

This did not go over well with the boy.  After they got his wet clothes off and came at him with a pull-up.  He yelled "What the hell are you doing" and proceed to pee on his babysitter. 
Not on the floor mind you.  Directly on the poor woman.

I didn't want to believe my son just peed all over a person so I decided to ask him what the deal was.  Here is our conversation:

Me: Jax, why did you have so many accidents?
Jax: I had to pee a lot
Me: What didn't you go to the bathroom
Jax: I was doing things  (ah well OK then...I remember that the next time I'm busy at work)
Me: So why did you pee on Mrs. Babysitter
Jax:  I didn't
Me:  Yes you did.  DO NOT lie to me - she told me you peed on her.
Jax: No, I didn't!  My penis did it!
Me: Jaxon, you have control of your penis and your pee.  You cannot blame things on your penis - it doesn't just do things on it's own.  That's not how it works.

Jax:  No my penis didn't want a diaper and it got mad and peed, I tried to tell it not to.  My penis doesn't listen.  You don't have a penis!  You don't know!  (Touché son, Touché)

Me: Well make damn sure your penis knows it's unacceptable to pee on people from her on out.  Next time you pee on anything other than the potty you and your penis are both punished!
Jax: You tell it
Me: I am not talking to your penis.  This conversation is over

I think I'm in for a whole hell of a lot of trouble if we're already starting with this..... 

Ball Sweat

My 3 year old apparently suffers from sweaty balls.  Only my kids....I swear.

Last night as we were getting ready to sit down for dinner I noticed that the boys pants were wet in the crotch area.  (He's pretty much potty trained, but still has accidents ...clearly)

Our conversation follows:

Me: "Jaxon did you pee your pants again dude?"
Jaxon: "No" <Looking at me like I'm the dumbest person on earth>  "That's from sweat"
Me: "Sweat?  Your telling me your butt sweats?"
Jaxon: "No mooooom...... from my balls" <Clearly irritated that I even thought his butt was sweating>
Me: "So what you're telling me is that you have sweaty balls" <giggling uncontrollably>
Jaxon: "Yup"
Me: "Your balls sweat so much that it makes your pants wet...."
Jaxon: "Yep"
Me:  "Dude, no way.  Not possible.  You peed your pants"
Jaxon: <Looking injured by my words> "NO MOM!  It's my balls that sweated!!!"
Me: "Whatever, go take your sweaty ball pants off before dinner then..."

I just let him go with it.  I couldn't keep a straight face to even argue with him.

Seriously, how does my 3 year old even know about ball sweat?  I think I might have failed at this one...