The Days Are Long....

The other day a friend of mine posted about enjoying the mess in regards to her kiddos and how one day that mess will be gone.
I immediately though of the saying: "The days are long but the years are short"
Then I posted it.
Then I thought: Well, wasn't that the the most pretentious and cliche shit to say.
Then thought...yeah but it's true.
Then I though - OMG - all of my kids are in school!  Kait's out in 2 years and counting and the babies are hovering around 11 more years.
Then I thought: Shit, 2 years...11 years...That's fast as fuck for one and OMG - the I'm gonna be dead before the babies ever leave my damn house!
Then I thought:  Shit, shit, shit....I also haven't blogged in like forever.  I've got to do something or the kids are gonna have a really shitty baby book (read the intro page if you're confused here)

Then I opened the blog and  blew the dust off to find this little gem that I'd completely forgotten about.  (I was probably interrupted before I could post it)

As soon as I saw the title I knew I had to finish this shit and add an update!
Here it is in all it's glory circa June(ish) 2017:

THE DAYS ARE LONG, BUT THE YEARS ARE SHORT

Last night we registered Big Red for High School.

I didn't even cry!  

It was actually fun. 

She was excited (when she would forget to act too cool to be excited).  We were all kind of excited. 

Holy shit y'all - This isn't the same High School we went to!  

The classes are insane: Forensic Science, Sculpting, Mythology, Hydrology, Engineering.  

More than anything it didn't feel real.  

I felt like I should still be the one in high school NOT my baby.

Jesus, how did 14 years go by so fast?  I don't know when it happened, but my baby is not only a young lady, but damn near an adult.

In four years she'll be on her own.  She'll be her own person and I'll have to take a seat on the sidelines and watch her life unfold.  

Four years used to feel like a lifetime.  Today it feels far to soon and all too real.

Four years ago I had an 10 year old a 2 year old and and a baby.  Four years ago I didn't think we'd get here.  I didn't think I'd make it through the day at times.  

Years ago I was whining to a friend about how impossible my life was with "all these damn children that D forced me to have so he could trap me into marriage..." and her response was "The days are long, but the years are short."

I held in my eye roll and the snide remark, but I wanted to tell her there's NOTHING short about shitty diapers and midnight feedings other than the short little assholes who make and require them.  (Don't call CPS or assume I'm a horrible shit:   I had two babies under 18 months and a middle-schooler ALL while working full time! Oh! Also don't forget - D was working out of town Monday through Thursday so I was doing this by myself even though I technically had a back-up. 
Anyway,  back off  Judgy-McJudgerson - I earned the right to call them assholes)


Now that quote makes me cry like a damn idiot.  

Last night on the way home from cheer she asked me a question and I wanted to give her an answer that she would always remember, but about 40 seconds into my heartfelt response I saw her staring into the vanity mirror making kissy faces and taking selfies...

I realized a few things:

1)  I'll have to print this out as a book because she won't actually "feel my pain" till she's feeling her own

2) She's still a dick

2) She makes a really good kissy face

3) Even if I forced her to listen to my speech she wouldn't get it...it's not even in her realm of thought yet. 

The End

Fast forward about a year:

09/20/2018

The days are still really fucking long (mostly because my teenager has a cell phone and repeatedly texts me about shit that can wait till later...and meetings - always meetings)



The years are a vortex of mind fuckery:
They seem short in reference to big Red.  Oh my god do they seem short!  I don't know where 15 years went.  I feel like shes slipping through my fingers in front of my eyes.  But they're also amazing and wonderful and fun.

She's a real person with empathy and shit now (tempered by teenage hormones of course),but shes just fun to be with in general. Shes got amazing friends who are just as insane as she is - I never thought I could really truly love a bunch of overly dramatic teenage girls but I've acquired about 6 bonus daughters since my last post.  They are all possibly clinically insane and belong in an drama troupe touring the world, but they're smart, and funny, beautiful, caring and they lift each other up and are genuinely happy when the others succeed and supportive like no other.  (Some of you bitches could learn a lesson or two from the crazy girls....just sayin') 





The years are still relatively slow for the babies...

Lannie is in Kindergarten and and I feel like we've been practicing sight words for 6,000 years and we still only know 3 of them.  What really slows it down is shat she really doesn't give a flying fuck if she learns them or not.  Clearly, shes a princess and we should all be grateful that she bothered to learn the 3 that she did.
(OMG this child hurts my fucking head...but Jesus shes cute)

Jaxon is still Jaxon - teetering between guns and cars and video games.  He's still the same old dependable Jaxon. He hates vegetables and his favorite food group is FD&C Red No. whatever (maybe even a little yellow dye too).   I'm fully convinced that he's the only one who will not stick our asses in a nursing home.  I'm working on secretly hinting that he's the favorite in an effort to get nice digs when I'm crapping myself while still making him taste carrots and green beans.  It's a fine line...

The general day to day hasn't changed much
I still don't have a clue if I'm coming or going...No more shitty diapers and midnight feedings, but now I have 3 little moochers to verbally remind me when I fuck up and buy the crappy snacks.







I also have 3 wonderful humans who are all capable of saying "Thank You" and "I Love You" - they even say it sometimes too.

Some days are long, some feel like they're never gonna fucking end, some aren't long enough, but the years aren't really noticeable till they're gone.  Then they're so fucking short it's scary.....

    

Just don’t make a sign and chant a silly chant...

So, we had the walk out discussion which I’m sure most any parent with a high schooler has. 

 This is our conversation below.  Initially, I had planned on telling Kait her ass would be in school and in class getting the education she was there for, but we called an audible. 

*Side-note so this isn’t super confusing*  

Kait is raised by Derek and I so she’s referencing walking out in support of allowing teachers to arm themselves if they choose. 

Our conversation went like this: 

Derek: Hey don’t you have a trump shirt? 

Me: Uh yeah...it says deplorable...why 

D:  Kait wants to borrow it.

A: Sure- what are you wearing it for?  I mean you can’t totally borrow it but it seems like an odd request. 

Kait: I’m thinking of wearing it for the walkout...

A: You know walking out of school just for the sake of doing it is dumb as fuck right and makes you look silly. 

K: Well, no I don’t think I’m walking out unless it’s FOR letting our teachers arm themselves.

A: Ok, well I agree with your opinion, but if all you do is stick on a trump or NRA shirt and walk out of school to make your point your proving the stereotype of spoiled hissy-fit-throwing millennial generation.  Yes, it might make the news but if people disagree with your viewpoint you will be dismissed as a silly millennial throwing a tantrum. 

K: Yeah that’s true - I probably wont walk out that’s stupid when you put it that way. 

A: I was going to tell you in no uncertain terms will you walk out of school just to throw a fit but I think Im changing my mind - you can joint the walk out....under certain circumstances. 

K: Uh...ok? What

A: you need to do some research first.  The shirt you might choose to wear may or may not be the most relevant choice at this exact moment. 

K: Well I might wear an NRA shirt I don’t know...

A: I’m not knocking the “Deplorable” shirt, I’m saying you need to go beyond your feelings and know what it is you’re talking about.  If your gonna walk out of school and flaunt an unpopular opinion be prepared to have someone question your opinion or the validity of it. 

K: <deer in headlights look>

A: Do this and get back to me: 

 1) Look up deplorable and know what it means both the definition and the pop culture reference 

2) Find out what it stands for in current culture and what that word embodies to people who consider themselves “deplorables” and figure out if those values and beliefs are in line with yours 

3) Figure out why they’re even called “deplorables” who said it and what context they meant it in” 

K: <starts googling> oh- ok, Cool!

A: Not yet - that’s just preparation not to make yourself look like an asshole when someone asks you why you’re wearing what you’re wearing.   

Now here’s the action part: see, walking out is a great way to get publicity for your opinion for one day but your not actually directly affecting any change (as in a tangible change you can see immediately).  If you’re going to expect people to acknowledge your opinions and act on them you also need to act on them.  Find something that you can do that will make a difference.  Write the school board, write to your congressman, find a lonely kid and really try to be a friend, step up when someone is being bullied and be their advocate even if you’re going against the grain- and do it every day.  Find things you can do that have an immediate impact even for just one person AND DO THEM.  If you do all of that you can walk out with my support no matter what side of the fence your on. 

Honestly, I still roll my eyes when I think of her walking out of school in any kind of protest, but I guess if that is the trade off for her making an actual tangible change and figuring out why she believes what she believes on her own then it’s worth it...

I challenge all parents to do the same no matter what your/your children’s beliefs might be.  If it’s truly a worthwhile cause you won’t only rally for a day with 500 other like minded people, you’ll work every day to change what you personally can - even when no ones looking. 

We might not need so much gun control or armed teachers if instead we actually cared a little more about our peers and surroundings.

7 Things I Want My Daughter To Know....TODAY, RIGHT NOW (...so maybe she'll quit being a dick)

I spent the 1st half of my day today at work trying to track down and fix problems I didn't create.
I spent the 2nd half of my day trying to fit 4 hours of work into 2 so I could leave work twice to drop the teenager off at cheer and pick her up again.  (I also managed to have just about everything that could go wrong, in fact go wrong.)

The opposite of Asshole - this is when she's being awesome!

Upon picking up teenager I learned she didn't actually go to school today - it was a half day and she "didn't feel good".
If you follow my blog or know me even slightly you already know what a shit show grades are when it comes to this one.  Anyway, the teen got a little ass chewing and was told that she wouldn't be deciding her attendance until she could make passing grades.
I think this is what ruined her mood, but she wouldn't actually speak to me so I'm not certain....

I asked a few times but she was insistent on staring out the window and making a "something smells like shit face" instead.

So, as I was driving I was thinking of all of the pearls of wisdom I could impart on her or maybe just point out that I stopped what I was doing (and made more work for myself in) order to make sure she got to do what she wanted, then I took another look at her unchanged "something smells like shit" face and realized that it would be a waste of time and breath.
I also realized that all of these "10 things I want my daughter to know before she..." lists are great and thoughtful and all that jazz but they really don't do dick for the here and now.

So here are The Seven Things I Want My Asshole Teenager To Know....like right now:

This is when I was an asshole -

I'm still apologizing for these years

1) I know you're calling me names in your head, rolling your eyes when I'm not looking and mainly wishing I'd just shut up and leave you alone. (I've even seen the texts and the colorful things you've written about me)  It's cool though.  I was a teen once and I did that too.  But mainly it's cool because I'm still doing it to you....oh yeah - while you're rolling your eyes or making stink faces I'm calling you all kinds of names.  PS - I'm 35 and I work in construction - my names win.  (Here's a plan - you keep yours to yourself and make damn sure you don't actually ever say them to me aloud and I won't tell you all of the shit I've called you - we'll both be better for it)  PPS...I also flip you off behind your back (sometimes it's the only thing stopping you from getting beat)

One day you'll even put a pic of us as your FB Profile

....I'll be over here waiting

2) In just 5 short years you will begin your real adult life and in the excitement of being a young adult on your own you will most likely forget our fights during the teenage years. So will I (or I'll take a cue from your granny and graciously pretend like I can't remember all that "minor" stuff)  Here's the really creepy thing - one day you will have your own children and your own fights and attitudes to navigate -  in that moment you will remember with unsettling clarity exactly what you said when you made your mom cry or when you actually hurt her feelings for real. You will apologize and she will accept, but you will know that some things can never be unsaid.  Choose your words and actions carefully because you will be faced with them again.

3) I'll continue on that train of thought:  Basically everything you do will come back to bite you in the ass.  In the form of one or all of your children.  It's called karma, she is a bitch and she is real.  I can attest to that...you my dear, are my penance for all of the shit I put my own mom through. (She laughs at me when I tell her stories....like literally chuckles at my misery.  I will do the same to you)

4) I want you to grow up and think for yourself, don't be a follower if you don't agree with the majority.  Fight for the things you see as fair and just.  Don't be afraid to go against the grain.  Don't ever be afraid to be different.  Except in my house.  Just don't.  Social injustice has nothing to do with sleepovers, phone privileges or the length of your grounding.  Don't argue it'll only make it worse. Here's a good rule of thumb - expect to be grounded for one month for every major infraction.  If you think whatever it is that you're planning on doing is worth that month then give it a shot.  But if you choose to risk it 1) take your punishment like the adult you thought you were when you willingly broke the rules (that means take it quietly and no I smell shit face"  like it's my fault) and 2) know that I'm the dictator in this little country.  I can and will do as I please.  That month could turn into 3 or you might just find yourself standing in front of your school with sign around your neck and those Velcro Walmart shoes I always threaten you with.  It's really a crap shoot...

5) I know your little brother is annoying as hell sometimes (we all know that- he's 5) but you need to try and be patient with him and cut him a little slack.  You were 5 once and we didn't sell you.  More importantly he is your family.  As you get older you'll realize they are what matters...you'll realize they always were what mattered and in the end they're all you can really count on.  By the time you realize this you'll be so deep into your own hectic life that you'll depend on the bond you created in childhood to keep you connected when life gets in the way.  Also, he's you're built in protector.  He'll protect you fiercely from anyone or anything that might make you cry.  When your young adult life is going to hell in a hand basket you'll want your back up.  (he also might be a serial killer - you don't wanna piss him off in that case either)

6) You won't immediately believe this, but it's true....you will miss all of this one day.  You'll spend the next 5 years fighting and clawing for your independence.  If you're anything like me you'll run like the fucking wind as soon as you get it.ENJOY IT-  because life will have another surprise for you (FYI - life is constantly fucking with you, this won't be the only plot twist, but you can be surprised by the rest).  Like I was saying, as soon as you have that independence thing sorta mastered you'll be slapped in the face with a family and babies.  You'll realize you're actually calling the woman that caused all of those eye rolls and asking for advice and, like totally listening to it!  If that weren't weird enough those babies turn into asshole teenagers and you'll begin hearing my voice coming out of your mouth.  ....AND your eyes won't automatically get sucked up into your eye sockets!!!  You're actually pretty proud that you picked up some of that shit.  Somewhere along all of this you'll begin wondering why you ever really left at all...you won't remember what made you feel like you needed to run and you'll wonder why you traded a full time maid and chef for a mortgage and toilets that no one but you ever cleans.  Mostly you'll wonder how you didn't notice what a kick ass mom you had the whole time...you'll start to dwell on it but someone will shit on the floor, or fail school or do any number of things to cut short your thinking time.  (That's that bitch karma again...and at the rate you're going she's gonna wear your ass out.)  Try to enjoy this prison sentence and your guards while it lasts.  It will end one day and you'll miss some of it.

See - before kids...I exuded fun

7) Lastly, believe it or not I didn't spend my teen years daydreaming about having babies, making lunches, chauffeuring kids to sports, getting up early, making other people food, repeating myself a million times and cleaning up shit I didn't leave all over my house.  I daydreamed of being a doctor and being rich(not actually working) going out with my girlfriends, sleeping late and spending all of my money on clothes and spa services and European vacations.  Life happened and I got you guys instead, BUT I would choose each one of you a million times over given the choice (even with the attitudes and eye rolls).  Please try and remember - I'm not just "mom", I'm a person too.  I have feelings and shit just like other people.  I also don't inherently enjoy cleaning up messes I didn't create and repeating myself 5 million times.  Most importantly, remember that when I'm doing something for one of you guys (buying you perfume, driving you to practice, hosting a sleepover, etc.)  there's a good chance I've given up something I wanted or modified my plans to
make yours work. Thank you goes a long way in mommy currency.

This is how I pictured my 20-40's

   You 3 people are the reason I get up each day and work hard to get you everything you want and need, but cut me some freaking slack every now and then.  It's not a cake walk raising you monsters either.  I teeter on a thin line between raising successful humans and causing hundreds of thousands of dollars in therapy.

In summary - those are the 7 things that might be helpful for you to know now, but mainly just don't be an asshole.  I will always win and I can make the next 5 years as painful or as pleasant as your actions require.  Plus...Karma.  She is a real whore and she will come to pay you back.....

Love you
Mom


PS....can you for the love of god please take your laundry downstairs?!?!?!

Mother's Day Thoughts....and that stupid video

Oh the feels......

I don't know if it's the fact that my babies are growing up or the vast differences in ages and stages that's making my desire for time to slow down so overwhelming.

The babies are growing into kids and becoming more independent each day.

That part is easy, but in-between removal of training wheels and sleepless toddler nights my oldest is turning into a woman faster than I can comprehend.

I'm cheering the toddlers on to childhood and at the same time silently begging for time to stand still with the Big. 

 I'm so ready for a full nights sleep, first days of kindergarten and sleeping in because the little's are big enough to get cereal or turn on the TV, but I know the reality of this means Big will be on her way to independence. 

I'm NOT ready for drivers licenses, high school, proms, first dates, college or moving out.

Somewhere in the shitstorm of 2 new babies and surviving life with them my first baby grew up and I feel like I missed it.

Kaitlynn, thank you for making me a mom for the first time. Thank you for not being breakable and bouncing when we dropped you. Thanks for being such a good baby that you l tricked me into thinking I knew what I was doing.

Terrorists- thank you for not completely driving me insane all of the time. Thank you for making it so crazy that we didn't have time worry about the cluster that was/is our daily lives. THANK YOU for FINALLY crapping in a toilet and saving me from one more day of that shit....literally.

Its bittersweet watching each of you grow up.  While I'd like to keep you all little and protected, I cannot wait to meet the adults that you each become (unless one of you is in jail - I don't want to meet that one....just run away now)

You're Not Gonna Hurt My Feelers

This is another one of those "I read this blog and it's not at all what I'd say" blogs.

I read a blog over on Scary Mommy (one of my favorite websites to kill time ever ) about the 10 things never to say to a working mom.  The blog was sarcastic and funny and in some ways true, but still not what I'd respond with.

Anyone who knows me in real life knows that there isn't much that you can't say to me.  I'm just not that type of person.  It's pretty much a free for all and I don't get easily offended.  You should however, be prepared for what I might respond with.  I'm not mean or aggressive (most of the time)  but any number of things can come tumbling out of my mouth.
See, I'm not good at glossing up my replies or making things sound nice.  I don't have that filter...the unadulterated truth just comes gushing out.  (How I've ever progressed beyond a first interview to an actual job I'm still not sure)

Bottom line I think people are just too sensitive these days...in regards to EVERYTHING!  There's this trend to make everything seem perfect and fun and easy and never hurt anyone feelings or say anything negative and it's TOTAL bullshit.  Life isn't always pretty, parenting isn't always fun or rewarding.  If you can't be honest and bitch about the bad how can you even know when it's good in comparison. 

Anyway - here's the article with the original responses scratched out and mine added in...
(Read the original Article Here)

10 Things People Say That Drive Working Moms Crazy

1. You’re so lucky to get a break. Seriously? I don’t know where you’re coming from, but in my universe shimmying into pantyhose at 6:30 a.m. to go do office chores (or in the case of other mamas, teach other people’s kids, perform surgery, code, operate heavy machinery and so on) is not a break. And do you honestly mean a break from my kids? I don’t want or need a daily break from the two people I can’t stop thinking about during the eight hours I spend chained to my desk.
Well I don't know if it's actually a break, but yeah it's easier than trying to wrangle my two terrorists for a full 8 hours.  Maybe it's cause I work in the construction industry, but I get to wear jeans, work boots and say fuck as much as I want ALL DAY LONG!  Better than any of that I can tell people to wait or I'll get back to them and there's NOT A DAMN THING THEY CAN DO....other than wait.  Most of them don't cry like my own kids, but some do.  I get to call those people names that I can't call my kids (out loud).

2. You’re missing out on so much. Trust me, I know, but thanks for the friendly reminder. Even though my childcare provider is sweet enough to keep her mouth shut, there’s a good chance that my kids’ first steps and first words actually happened on her watch instead of mine. But last time I checked, we’re all missing out on something by virtue of there being only 24 hours in a day. And for all you know, your little one said her first words for grandma or the sitter.
Yes, I miss some of the good shit, but let's be honest... I'm on number 3 now and unless the baby terrorist learns how to do back flips or can recite The Odyssey from memory I've probably seen it before.  It's not that I'm not proud of her, but did I tell you that when I'm at work I don't have to share my candy? 

 

They're adorable but not they're not necessarily pioneers in the field of growing into people- the older sister did it all first

3. You look exhausted! You don’t say… or rather, you shouldn’t say because hearing about how haggard I look is not going to erase the wrinkles from my tired old face. Am I supposed to thank you for your concern? Because unless you’re going to follow up that statement with a gift certificate from Canyon Ranch, please reconsider letting it come out of your mouth.
Yes, I am exhausted.  Thanks for noticing, because these little bastards don't seem to notice; EVER.  Maybe you can tell them and make them understand I just want 5 minutes to pee alone and shift gears to from project manager to mommy mode.  Because if I don't I'm going to speak to them like they're a 30 year old man on one of my job sites and no one wants that.  They already curse enough, no need to add to their skills.  

Seriously on this one, I have no problem with people telling me I look exhausted.  I usually am.  It's a mad rush from 6AM to 8PM to get babies ready get them to day care, do my own job with deadlines and come back home and make dinner and do the usual evening stuff.  I know I'm no different than any other working mom but, when someone tells me I look tired It opens the gate for me to tell them everything I do and for a few minutes I feel like fucking superwoman.  So bring it...just be ready for me to tell you all of the shit I do that you probably do too....but tell me how awesome I am anyway ok?

10 Things People Say That Drive Working Moms Crazy

10 Things People Say That Drive Working Moms Crazy

10 Things People Say That Drive Working Moms Crazy

4. Do you really have to work? First off, none of your damn business. Maybe I do, in which case the sacrifices I make would probably be that much easier to bear without judgmental people putting in their two cents. Or maybe I am super passionate about my career and love that I am able to show my kids that women can do anything they set their minds to do. Either way, what you’re really asking is whether I can afford to stay home or if I secretly want to get away from my children, and both questions are just plain rude on so many levels.

No, but I like shit.  My kids like shit.  It keeps them quiet and I don't end up on the news.  If I didn't work, not only would I have to spend all day with them (without all of that fun shit that my job allows us to afford) but  we'd be stuck home all weekend not doing things with no fun shit.  I don't like redundancy.

I don't have to work, but I like to.  Not just for the material things, but because I actually enjoy my job.  (Remember...jeans, boot, cursing...no sharing of candy) I really do.  I've worked hard in my field to get where I am.  There aren't a lot of women so it feels like a constant achievement as well.  I'm also realistic enough to know that I am a much better working mom than I am a stay at home mom.  That used to be hard for me to say and not feel guilty about...until I took 6 weeks off for maternity leave for the tiny terrorist.  By the end of the leave it wasn't fun for any of us.  I was stressed over money, the kids were driving me insane and I felt like I had given up part of my identity.  They didn't enjoy me and I didn't enjoy them.  With me working and the kids in daycare they're actually happy to see me every afternoon.  I wouldn't trade that daily reminder and those hugs and kisses for all off the time off in the world.  

If that doesn't seal the deal come on over and I'll show some of the shit we have.... ;)

5. I read that kids in childcare are more aggressive. Or score lower on tests. Are less attached. Grow up to be drug dealers. Whatever. I know the studies. There is no conclusive replicable evidence that kids who go to daycare are doomed, so can it. Why would you even think I need you to tell me how I’m screwing up my kid? Or if that’s how we’re going to play, I guess you’re OK with me making a list of all the ways you’re screwing up yours?
 I also heard that kids with parents who think  their kids are better than other kids grow up to be dicks.  

I also have this notion that it's not daycare or one particular choice you make in you child's life that defines them it's who you are, who you raise your children to be, what you allow as acceptable behavior.  

It's how they see you act as a member of your own family and as a member of society.
 (At this rate they should have an amazing marriage, cook like a champ, and know every curse word in the dictionary and how to use it with flair.)

But if you tell them they're gonna be shitty people when they grow up because of my choices one of us is gonna kick your ass...it'll probably be the little one...

She looks sweet but she will cut you

6. Don’t you miss them? Of course I fucking miss them! Unless you’re prepared to tell me that you’re not sure if you’d miss your kids, it sounds an awful lot like you’re implying that I don’t.

Honestly, not as much as you'd think.  I know that sounds horrible but I'm being honest not perfect right.  Go ahead...ask me how the hell can I say that.

Because it's the truth.  And yes one day I'll admit this to the terrorists.  They need to know that I love them, but not that everything in my life revolves around them.  The are the missing piece that completes our family but they are not the pinnacle of it.    And my terrorists are 2 and 3...that means shit and snot - OFTEN.  On stuff like couches, faces, dogs, walls...that is not fun.  I do not miss snot and poop and meltdowns and lost Popsicle in the couch.  

You know what I miss...Me. And for 8-10 hours a days I get to hang out with her again.  She doesn't have to run to to console a broken hearted little girl because the dog licked her toe, she doesn't have to stop for the 10th time to tell the boy to let go of his penis and hold his sandwich with both hands.  She doesn't worry every time those terrorists leave her sight that something is happening to them.  

And for 8 glorious hours she doesn't second guess every decision she's made or comment she's said or wonder if she's royally fucking up 3 of the only perfect things shes ever been given.  

For 8 hours she gets to be just Ashley.  I get to be just another working adult judged on my accomplishments alone (not the fact that my daughter tells everyone she has a penis), I get to eat candy by myself, I get to curse correctly and tell dirty jokes, I get to call my husband and really listen to him, sometimes I even  get to sneak off to lunch with him.

There used to be "Just Ashley"  all fun and booze...she's gone now but I still like to visit her every once in a while

 

I don't get to sneak off with hm as often as I'd like to

So yeah...It's not as bad as you'd think.  It's all what you make of it.

7. You must be so organized! Sometimes this statement is followed by “I could never do all you do,” but let me tell you that if you were in my shoes, you’d figure it out fast. I’m not going to beat around the bush – being a working mom is hard. And if you’re not organized, it’s not just hard, it’s hell. And so I work my ass off to be as organized as I can because if I didn’t, our lives would descend into chaos.
HAHAHA!!! Why yes, yes I am.  I'm the mother of organization.  Thank you for noticing.  
No, I have no clue where the boy's other shoe is and I think we're missing a cat...but I made a motherfucking dinner plan for the week...and i might even cook it all.  Go ahead and bow down to mother organization.

8. It must be so hard for you. Yup, it is. Being a working mom does not mean that I can magically afford a maid, a chef, and a live-in nanny. All the stuff at home that I was on the hook for during my SAHM years is still on my plate. I cook. I clean. I bring home the bacon and I fry it up in a pan. Here’s an idea – if your husband cooks and cleans and brings home the bacon on top of it all, why not thank him today? Because if you think it’s so hard for me, clearly it’s hard for him, too.


Some days yes.  Other days no...like when I got online and booked that week long adult only vacation to the Dominican Republic.  That day pretty much rocked it. 
Some days shit goes according to plan and it's good, ho-hum even.  Some days Lannie shits on my carpet, Jaxon steps in it and wipes it on the dog.  Some days the kids are dicks and it's all I can do to just get dinner on the table and not beat one of them.  Some days everyone is in a good mood and we actually have fun.  Most days it's a mixture of wondering why we did this, how we can un-do it and oh-my-god-look-at-our-amazing-offspring he/she is a genius/the cutest/the funniest.
It's no different than any other family SAHM or not. 

9. I couldn’t let someone else raise my children. Excuse me, but I am raising my kids. Last I checked, earning money to put food on the table and pay for things like dance lessons IS raising my kids. Or are you telling me that your husband is letting someone else raise his children – that someone being you? After all, he goes to work every day just like I do. Does he know you think he’s less of a parent?

Sweet...so they're going to grow up just as douche-y and condescending as you....

I can.  I'm a horrible teacher and have no patience.  I also have really bad handwriting.   I also have to pay off that Dominican trip and unless you know of any sweatshops hiring it looks like mamma's gotta get a paycheck.

10. Women should be at home with their kids. Um, no. Women should be wherever they damn well please. Full stop.
Look, I try my hardest every day to respect and support ALL moms. Working moms. SAHMs. WAHMs. Moms who seem like they have everything under control. Moms who obviously have nothing under control. I admire all the moms who love their kids and do their best because we all struggle – it’s just that sometimes our struggles are different. Is that a reason to disrespect one another? I say no, and if you agree the best thing you can do is think before you open your mouth.

You are absolutely correct.  They should also have a new wardrobe every year, a nice kid toting minivan, shoes and purses that match, pretty  underwear sets, and great manners...and diamonds ladies need diamonds.  

I'm gonna need all of those....and your credit card number to pay for it.  

I'm also gonna need your checking account info to pay the er physician and a bondsman after I attack you with the intentions of removing your manhood and super gluing it to your forehead.  Because that's a total dick head thing to say...


there - that's my version and I'm sticking to it...