Just don’t make a sign and chant a silly chant...

So, we had the walk out discussion which I’m sure most any parent with a high schooler has. 

 This is our conversation below.  Initially, I had planned on telling Kait her ass would be in school and in class getting the education she was there for, but we called an audible. 

*Side-note so this isn’t super confusing*  

Kait is raised by Derek and I so she’s referencing walking out in support of allowing teachers to arm themselves if they choose. 

Our conversation went like this: 

Derek: Hey don’t you have a trump shirt? 

Me: Uh yeah...it says deplorable...why 

D:  Kait wants to borrow it.

A: Sure- what are you wearing it for?  I mean you can’t totally borrow it but it seems like an odd request. 

Kait: I’m thinking of wearing it for the walkout...

A: You know walking out of school just for the sake of doing it is dumb as fuck right and makes you look silly. 

K: Well, no I don’t think I’m walking out unless it’s FOR letting our teachers arm themselves.

A: Ok, well I agree with your opinion, but if all you do is stick on a trump or NRA shirt and walk out of school to make your point your proving the stereotype of spoiled hissy-fit-throwing millennial generation.  Yes, it might make the news but if people disagree with your viewpoint you will be dismissed as a silly millennial throwing a tantrum. 

K: Yeah that’s true - I probably wont walk out that’s stupid when you put it that way. 

A: I was going to tell you in no uncertain terms will you walk out of school just to throw a fit but I think Im changing my mind - you can joint the walk out....under certain circumstances. 

K: Uh...ok? What

A: you need to do some research first.  The shirt you might choose to wear may or may not be the most relevant choice at this exact moment. 

K: Well I might wear an NRA shirt I don’t know...

A: I’m not knocking the “Deplorable” shirt, I’m saying you need to go beyond your feelings and know what it is you’re talking about.  If your gonna walk out of school and flaunt an unpopular opinion be prepared to have someone question your opinion or the validity of it. 

K: <deer in headlights look>

A: Do this and get back to me: 

 1) Look up deplorable and know what it means both the definition and the pop culture reference 

2) Find out what it stands for in current culture and what that word embodies to people who consider themselves “deplorables” and figure out if those values and beliefs are in line with yours 

3) Figure out why they’re even called “deplorables” who said it and what context they meant it in” 

K: <starts googling> oh- ok, Cool!

A: Not yet - that’s just preparation not to make yourself look like an asshole when someone asks you why you’re wearing what you’re wearing.   

Now here’s the action part: see, walking out is a great way to get publicity for your opinion for one day but your not actually directly affecting any change (as in a tangible change you can see immediately).  If you’re going to expect people to acknowledge your opinions and act on them you also need to act on them.  Find something that you can do that will make a difference.  Write the school board, write to your congressman, find a lonely kid and really try to be a friend, step up when someone is being bullied and be their advocate even if you’re going against the grain- and do it every day.  Find things you can do that have an immediate impact even for just one person AND DO THEM.  If you do all of that you can walk out with my support no matter what side of the fence your on. 

Honestly, I still roll my eyes when I think of her walking out of school in any kind of protest, but I guess if that is the trade off for her making an actual tangible change and figuring out why she believes what she believes on her own then it’s worth it...

I challenge all parents to do the same no matter what your/your children’s beliefs might be.  If it’s truly a worthwhile cause you won’t only rally for a day with 500 other like minded people, you’ll work every day to change what you personally can - even when no ones looking. 

We might not need so much gun control or armed teachers if instead we actually cared a little more about our peers and surroundings.

What Ever Happened To Consequences

I'm posting this in hopes that someone might have the magic answer for me.

Maybe some of you have gone through this or maybe you're a teacher and have dealt with the other side of this shit show.  Maybe you have some advice for me.  Maybe I'm doing the right thing and just need to keep on course.  Maybe I'm way off base....either way let me know.  We all know I can take criticism so don't be afraid to offend me or hurt my feelings.

A few things first.  The email I'll post below is to the dean of students about Big Red and my (almost) decision to not enroll her in summer school.  I sent it to the dean of students in response to a letter they sent home about Red being eligible for summer school and the fact that if she gets C's or higher in this final quarter she might be exempt from summer school all together and get to go to 7th grade.

The letter came home and I signed it but she forgot to turn it in....THIS is my CONSTANT issue with her.  The child FORGETS EVERYTHING!!!  She is smart and could easily pass 6th grade but she just doesn't turn in her homework.  I sit at home with her EVERY school night and make sure she does all of her work.  She only actually turns in about 1/4 of it.  The rest gets lost in space somewhere I guess.  Same for school work - she just doesn't bring it home to finish it.

This has been a constant issue since Kindergarten.  Teachers have gone above and beyond their job duties to help her succeed.  I have gone above and beyond what she should require (I'm the one that opens the book bag and checks for the homework and tells her what she needs to do).

Nothing helps and I think it's in part due to the fact that she's never had any real consequences outside of being grounded at home.  She's never failed.  She magically ends up with C's and D's and goes on to the next grade.  They even assigned her a special teacher that helps her make up the shit she blew off in class the day before.  So essentially she gets to not do her work, have 2 extra days and extra help from her personal teacher. Where is the consequence in that?  Is there any reason for her to change her behavior?

Again, let me stress the fact that Big Red IS NOT, slow or struggling with the actual concepts she's being taught.  She repeatedly gets A's and B's on the work and tests that she actually does.

Anyway, the dean of students requested that she have me at least email him to let him know I got the original letter or she would be sent to lunch detention.

Well, I wasn't gonna send the letter - finally a consequence right?  Before I did that I called my mom and asked her opinion...bad plan.  She told me she'd send the letter and I decided that I'd better send the letter (cause my mama said so and I'm still scared of her). I also took the time to let him know where i stood on the whole issue of summer school.

What I'm asking for now is your opinion...and thoughts, suggestions....  Am I going overboard for not enrolling her in summer school.  (In addition to just enrolling her it'll cost me $300 and I have to find a way to get her there and back every day at 8AM and Noon)

I can't guarantee I'll take any of your advice but I'd love to hear it....

***Update***
Just got a call from the dean.  The short  version of the conversation is that Red will most certainly be a candidate for summer school in English (possibly one or 2 other subjects).  However, in their eyes she isn't a candidate for retention (being held back) because she does grasp the concept of the material and "data" shows that retention doesn't change behaviors.  But, if she fails summer school AND continues the pattern in 7th grade we can then talk about re-assigning her back to 6th grade.(That sounds like a whole hell of a lot of wasted time and money for a maybe...but I'm no child expert)

Honestly I feel like he was trying to pacify me with the last part and I don't think it will have any effect on her behavior.  She has already accepted the fact that she will loose her summer and doesn't seem to be bothered by it. (Already using it as an excuse to not do work this year) 

When I told him this he did suggest that for a consequence  we could make her work off the cost of summer school ($125-$300).  Not a bad idea if I concede to summer school...which I haven't yet.  (I can always just not pay and not bring her)

So add any ideas for summer jobs to my request for suggestions.  Things that are not fun!
Know of any child labor sweatshops hiring?

***4/22/15***
A 3rd update.  Two things happened recently
1) I think I found a "summer job" of babysitting (for free) in the even Big Red goes to summer school
2) Big Red has pulled her grades up to A's, B's and C's - she's not completely out of the woods, but there is a possibility.  I did tell her I was considering summer school but she'd have a job ALL summer and I hadn't decided yet. (I also told her she gets 1 shot at summer school for the next 12 years so she better really need it when she decides to use it...)

While I'm happy she's doing good it drives me crazy that she clearly has the potential for good grades any time she wants...she just dosen't choose to.


As a side note to my mom:
Holy shit..I did this to you in High school...OMG I'm sorry!  Here's my public apology.

I am SO SORRY for being a difficult asshole teenager...now please remove the curse! 

The Boy Has a "Problem" and His Sister is missing her Silver Spoon

I had a good thing going.
 For about 8-1/2 years I was pretty sure I had this parenting thing down.

Big red was an AWESOME baby.  She slept through the night at 4 weeks.  When she got older she slept on a solid 12 hour schedule (8am-8pm).  By the time she was a two all we had to do was tell her it was 8 o'clock and she scampered off to bed.  Not to be seen again until 8, sometimes 9 the next morning.  All blue eyes and baby cuteness.  By the time she was 4 she would ask us to go to bed (or fall asleep where she was sitting) at eight sharp.  She's 12 now and come 9-10PM she informs us shes exhausted and must go to bed NOW.  Big Red was a fluke!

I'm 3 years into raising my two demon-possessed, sadistic dictators precious quasi-twins and feel like I was totally scammed.  I haven' raised them any different (well, except for the nights these guys out number and exhaust me.  Then I hide in the shitter and eat their Halloween candy - I never hid from Red.  It was one on one back then....and I can still silence her with a look)

These guys are unrelenting.  I think the boy has a secret crack problem.  (That's the only explanation I can come up with for his lack of sleep and constant movement.)  It's starts with the sight of his pajamas, or socks, or Tiny Terrorists diaper, or letting the dogs out to pee....any slight movement at evening time alerts him to the possibility of bed time. (This can happen at 8 right before bed or at 6 when I'm changing Tiny's 16th crappy diaper of the evening - He's paranoid - crackheads are paranoid)  He immediately goes limp falls to the ground and wails about how he doesn't want to go to bed and he's not tired.  (Crack heads are never tired...)  I'm not sure why after 8 months of this exact same routine he hasn't caught on.  Mommie's tired too...kinda tired of dealing with shit like this and you WILL go to bed no matter what kind of show you put on.  Sometimes he walks, sometimes I carry him lovingly with his head on my shoulder and sometimes I hold him around the waist and drag him screaming and kicking, but he ALWAYS goes to bed.  Next comes the 1-2 hours of "requests".  Water, pee, just a hug, just a kiss, just want to tell you a story.  I'm not sure which is worse, but but I'm looking into children's ambien or a toddler rehab....

Par for the course Tiny terrorist won't be outdone and has her own production.  I'll have to take some of the blame for her because she's the baby and I pretty much cave to her demands.  But she's so stinking cute! (She also goes to bed willingly and can't open her door by herself yet).  She doesn't have any nefarious habits to speak of, but she's clearly been born in the wrong family.  I don't know who that family was, but she most certainly was designed to have a full time butler, maid, chef and court jester.  Before going to bed she demands her binky, and she demands to be picked up to retrieve it herself off of her dresser.  No, getting it for her will not do.  Next she needs to be tucked in and read her story.  Not any story ONLY "I Know My Daddy Loves Me" and ONLY daddy is allowed to read it.  Next she will require kisses from each of us, then she will put her little hand up and tell us "You leave now".  Once we are gone, her door securely shut and she has heard our footsteps down the stairs then (and only then) will she shriek out her demands for a sip of milk.  We have exactly 21 seconds before her world implodes and she thinks her faithful servants we have gone and left her to die of dehydration alone in her room.  She will take 5 sips and tell s to take it away.  Waiting until the door is shut to remember that she needs to be re-kissed.  She gives us her "I love you's"  and dismisses us again with the hand and "You go away now"

Sometimes I can take all this in stride and enjoy the absurdity of it.  I am able to acknowledge how cute my crazy demanding terrorists are and not lose my proverbial shit.  But tonight all I really want is 30 minutes of peace and quiet to pee alone and curse big red for the big fat lie she perpetuated.

God, she was an easy baby. Not a bad plan by the man up there I guess. Had Big Red acted like these two there wouldn't be a blog to read.  They give me good stories, but Big Read gave me amazing sleep.  She also made me think I knew what the hell I was doing...that was shitty of her.


In the moments that I have to hide in the bathroom I remember that one day in the future they will be teenagers who want to sleep all day and not be bothered.

Well....paybacks a bitch kiddos.  Get ready for bedtime stories and me waking you up at 2 am staring at you while you sleep poking you in the arm.  When you're fully awake and sufficiently creeped out....mommy's gonna need some milk.

That shit paid off....now when is summer vacation?

Its' been 2 short months since I went on my major rant about Big Red and how she was going to fail 6th grade.  Although, if you ask her she'd probably tell you it's been 2 VERY long months.

We've changed things up a bit.  She now stays with me Monday through Friday night and with her father every weekend.  She also spends every morning and afternoon with her dad as well.  (Come summer vacation that shit flips...I get weekends and he gets full weeks....I'll be on a 3 month VACATION!) 

Anyway, I've failed miserably at sitting back and letting her fail and learn her lesson - and that shit paid off! 

I am the homework Nazi.  Every night, all night until it is done.  It's been frustrating, and mind numbing, and funny and even enjoyable at times.  We've both cried and screamed and laughed and actually learned how to work together (sort of).    Some nights she drives me bat shit crazy and some nights I think we would both like to sell the terrorists, but we suffer through it together. (Well mostly, some nights we're close to scratching each others eyes out and Derek steps in to help with homework instead of me...I think he's mainly saving his own sanity, but she likes him better anyway...)

Night before last I was out of energy and she had 2 assignments left to do.  She begged me to let her do them in her room and didn't have the energy to hover any more.

Holy effing mother of balls!! SHE COMPLETED THE ASSIGNMENT!!! AND TURNED IT IN!!!
(I of course checked it first thing in the am, but the fact remains - she did it)

Every night I still schedule all of her assignments and check them off one by one, every night I still check her daily calendars.  Most nights I find one that she has "forgotten", but we get it done.
She rarely whines or complains anymore.  We finally have a routine.  Thank you baby Jesus!!!

On top of it all...that kid who managed to fail nearly every class last quarter has ALL A's and B's.  I nearly had a stroke when I looked at her grades.  I didn't know whether to kiss her or offer her a freaking beer in celebration.  (God knows I had one)

I will be framing this report card...it feels better than making my own A's in school.

Way to go Big Red!!! I am so freaking Proud of you!!!

(you want a puppy or a goat or something? We'll sneak it into your dads house....)

Tired of Hearing Myself Bitch

I'm sitting here at my desk eating my broccoli cheese soup (yes it's 9AM, no I don't care), browsing through Facebook &mentally commenting on all of my "friends" Facebook posts.

Because what else is there to do on a snowy Tuesday....well besides work, prepping for my weekly meeting and about 15 other things that can apparently wait until I finish this post.

Anyway, as I'm mentally commenting (not nice things) I realize it's always directed at the same person.  Every one of their posts is negative: "my life sucks, this person sucks, work sucks, the weather sucks, people are stupid, etc..."

I want to call them and scream
"Christ...go jump off a cliff and end it already if it's that bad!!!"
(Before you freak out let me assure you - this person is not depressed and I wouldn't actually say that out loud.  They just like to bitch)

That also got me thinking...isn't that exactly what I do here?  Bitch, bitch, bitch.  Bitch about my kids grades, bitch about the way they wake up, bitch about the way they travel.

While it's all true and it makes me feel better to vent, I don't want to be that person...not every day at least.  I'm glad I can find some comradery in the misery and hopefully make people laugh, but I think I owe it to my kids and everyone else to not constantly be the person that just needs to suck it up quit fucking whining.

So here's the good shit...
For starters I have a totally overachieving uterus.  I had 3 kids without any trying.  I've watched so many people in my life struggle for just one and here I am just shitting them out like pez. When I think about it like that it makes me want to retract all the other blog posts.  I should be at home making foot molds of the kids and talking about how they fart rainbows and glitter.  That would get old too though...

Even better than my overachieving uterus is my  husband... He doesn't have a nobel peace prize or an NFL contract or anything that cool, but he's pretty damn amazing.  If anyone knows me personally saying that I'm easy to handle or mild mannered isn't an understatement it's an outright fucking lie.  He handles me and the 3 kids with an astounding amount of patience and love.  Look, I know I'm not always easy to love but he manages to fake it even in the worst of times.  He's funny and smart, and knows when I need to be left alone and knows when I just need him there next to me.

I'm really not sure how I stumbled on him or why he agreed to marry me but no take-back's fucker!!!!  (Yeah, he laughs at comments like that) 
We make an amazing team, and I'm finally old enough to see the beauty in a team over the need to be independent.

 

On to the chirren... cause even though they are the reason for my constant bitching they deserve some recognition.
















Big Red

She is soft spoken and tender hearted and is well on her way to becoming amazing woman.  She's all the things that a little girl should be.
She's beautiful inside and out and doesn't even know the depth of it yet.  (God help us all when she realizes that one)
I worried about her when we had the terrorists.  She's 8 years older and I really was concerned that she might not bond with them.  I was so wrong.  (She likes them more than I do some days.)  She definitely has more patience with them than I ever do.  She's also my little gymnast...I think we've finally found a sport that suits her and she's amazing at it.  She's a tween so it's about 60/40 right now in favor of the devil tween, but that 40 is a pretty amazing young lady.

Boy Terrorist 

I don't think he has the capability to follow a single instruction to the end, but I know that when my time comes he'll be the one that will go to the ends of the earth to just be there with me.  (I know that it's totally cliche, but there really is something about a relationship of a mother and son)  He loves me best and I love every minute of it.  He's also fucking hysterical.  He says the most off the wall shit and keeps us in stitches.  He is our comedic relief when things get serious.  He's also a fierce protector of his sisters.  We literally have to send him to another room if we are dealing with the girls.  I don't know that they notice now, but one day when we're not there to protect them he'll be the anchor of our family.

Tiny Terrorist
She clearly thinks here father is the only person on earth and I just show up to make dinner and feed everyone. 

But she's damn cute so it's forgiven.  I have no idea what she's saying most of the time.  (Thank god Jaxon translates for me) She's got a temper to rival mine and it's hysterical...I know one day it won't be but for now she's our baby and we all just let it go.  She eats like she's in a contest  - there's nothing the kid won't put in her mouth.  (Except peaches...none of the kids like peaches.  It's just weird)  She's also pretty funny.   While boy terrorist actually says comical things tiny terrorist is just funny to watch.  Whether it's doing the eyebrow thing or shaking her butt she's just enormously cute.

Well there you have it...I don't hate my kids or my life.  I love them all immeasurably and am thankful for all I have.

Now back to bitching about my kids.... ;)